Thursday, March 25, 2010

94 MG SF

TITLE: Emp
GENRE: MG SF


Patrick Stockwell looked forward to a summer of baseball, video games, and sleeping late, but June 1st was the last normal day of his life.

17 comments:

  1. I'd keep reading -- I'm a big fan of these stage-setter openings.

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  2. HOOKED!!!!! I'd definitely be reading this!! ㋡

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  3. Sorry, not hooked. THis seems very generic so far. Perhaps start us in the action on June 1? I also feel removed from Patrick because not only is this third person, but we're not really seeing him do anything.

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  4. I have to agree with Laura. This sort of "little did he know . . ." type of opening feels a little cliche to me. Why not give us a hint of what's to come?

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  5. I'm not hooked for the same reason, but I'd read the whole first paragraph before putting the book down.

    The other reason I wasn't hooked -- opening gives little sense of who the character is. Just that his life changes.

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  6. I agree. Feels generic. Not saying it can't work, but going by this alone... not hooked.

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  7. I thought the beginning was good, grounding the young reader in something familiar. I was hooked to read more. But not from June 1st. I understand this is when the story takes off but knowing the date didn't compel me. If the date is critical to the plot, then I'll shut up.

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  8. It's so hard with just 25 words, but I'd keep reading. I'd possibly get rid of 'but' and make the last phrase a complete sentence of it's own. Think it would add to the tension.

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  9. Not really hooked. Interested, and would keep going, but not completely hooked.

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  10. Semi-hooked.

    I'd read on a little further to see if we go right to why it's the last normal day, or if we have to follow him around doing normal things for a while before we get to it.

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  11. Sorta hooked---it's hard to do in two sentences though.

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  12. I'm hooked, but I would have liked "June 1st was the last normal day of Patrick Stockwell's life" better.

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