Miss Snark's First Victim
Mmm, kind of.
Just nothing here for me.
Death personified...again? Not so much for me.
Ha! Love the humor and voice. Good title:)
Partially hooked. I'd read on to see if it grabbed me. The implication that the MC is familiar with Death's approach is the hook for me in this one. Do cubicles have doors?
maybe change cubicle to office? Either way not really hooked
I like the cubicle part, but the rest was a bit ho-hum for me.
I'd be willing to read more.
I'd read on a little more.
lots of Death stories these days. Regardless, I'd keep reading this.
This has a strong author voice, and I like the juxtaposition. Death stalking is a wee bit cliche, but I'd read a little more to see if the originality continues.
Heh, I'm nearly there. I'd read a couple pages more before deciding, because the idea of Death being someone's boss in an office intrigues me.
I think I'd read more.
I'd read more. But perhaps cut the first sentence and change 'his' in the second sentence to 'Death's.' Because you have Death stalking the floor. He might stalk across the floor, but he wouldn't be stalking it, since the floor isn't going anywhere.
I'm not quite sure if this is supposed to be funny or scary. Probably wouldn't keep reading.
I'd switch the last sentence to the first and delete the first sentence.
Sorry, I don't get it. How can death stalk a floor? A floor is dead. People on the floor, the workers on a certain floor of a building, yes. "Always did" would be a stronger standing-alone sentence.
Sojourner,Stalk= intransitive verb. to walk in a stiff, haughty, or grim manner; to advance or spread grimly.
Not hooked, sorry.(I may be put off by all the openings with Death now. Poor dude is getting a workout. :P)
I like this. I'm not totally hooked, more like semi-hooked. I'd give it at least a page
I wouldn't read on