Thursday, March 25, 2010

123 General Fiction

TITLE: Shoalie's Crow
GENRE: Fiction

"My only memory is the wreck. I am wrapped around a dark bay horse as she
gallops toward the crest of a hill; her coat..."


  1. Hooked. Of course I want to know what kind of wreck it is.

  2. "Wrapped around" a horse feels weird. I know what you mean, but it still conjures up a funny image.

  3. I'm not really hooked by this... The second sentence has too much of a dreamlike quality to it. Like the person saw herself riding a horse instead of actually sitting right on the horse and riding - if that makes sense?

    Like - when I'm riding my horse I don't think of what he looks like. It's more about us being a team, what the ride itself feels like, where we are going. If I notice anything, it would be the steam rising off his neck or the white foamy spittle spattering back on my jeans.

  4. Confused. I thought (s)he only remembered a wreck and then there's a horse. Seems inconsistent to me.

  5. Well I immediately thought shipwreck and so the horse reference completely threw me. (no pun intended)

    But 'wreck' is not a commonly used term here (Aust)

  6. Too similar to opening with a dream sequence for me. Felt like an info dump.

    This dialog would be interesting to me maybe if I had some context for it.

  7. I thought shipwreck too. Maybe it's an Aussie thing (after reading Cheryl's comment). So the horse confused me too. Based on that, I'm not hooked.