Miss Snark's First Victim
Hmmmm. Not really hooked. I think it would catch me more if it started with the car being smashed - then get around to the [presumed] occupant.
I'm sorry... I'm not hooked yet. This is likely a complication because of the 25 word limit. You can only show so much. However, I think I would have liked to see signs of how her car was not physically fine. Put the reader in the car with the protagonist. :)
Interested, but not completely hooked. Maybe cut "with my finger?"
ditto what Jane said
In first person you don't have to say "I told myself" as it's implied simply because it's first person and the narrator is talking and there's no dialog. Make sense? I also think you might have some tense issues going on, but that's not my forte.I was fine. I was physically fine. My car, however, was not.The title and first 25 lead me to think this is a sad love story. If so, it wouldn't be my thing until it was a movie! ;)
Not really. Sorry.
I was fine. I was physically fine. Seemed redundant to me. More interested in whats wrong with the car. Was it a crash, or did someone smash the car while it was parked and she's just discovering it?
I'd keep reading!
Fairly Hooked! I'd continue reading.
The lack of contractions threw me a bit, even if she's telling herself that very slowly and deliberately to stay calm. Not quite hooked though, sorry.
Loose the second sentence maybe...? I think it would be stronger without it. Add "Physically" to the first sentence so it reads...Physically am fine, I told myself. My car, however, was not. I poked the phone’s screen with my finger.
Almost but not quite there for me.It feels like there is a disconnect between the car and the phone.