Thursday, March 25, 2010

161 YA Fantasy

TITLE: Darkblood Uprising
GENRE: YA Fantasy


Chains and rain. Ice cold bands around my wrists, water dripping off my
face. It was salty rain again, cursed and foul.

17 comments:

  1. I like the flow of this, though there might be a bit too much repetition for me.

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  2. Hooked. I'm a sucker for a solid character voice. Getting character and lyrical description in just 25 words hits me where it counts.

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  3. hooked. Poetic and realistic all at once.

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  4. Not hooked. Lovely voice though, just not sure there'll be enough action in this one for me

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  5. I like the description, but there's not much action. I'd probably read a little more to see where this is going.

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  6. He's in chains out in the salty rain. Hooked.

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  7. Totally hooked. Is rain normally salty? I'm gonna go out in the next rain storm for a taste. ;)

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  8. I love the imagery here and would definitely read on to get into the action.

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  9. I'd read more to see where it headed. Not a fan of the -- I assume -- unintentional rhyming at the beginning though.

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  10. I love your last sentence - and while I know here we're just supposed to tell you if we're hooked or not and why, I'd love to see this line as the first one in the novel.

    As is, I'd keep reading, but if this started It was salty rain again, cursed and foul, no way could I put it down.

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  11. Not hooked. I get the feeling, the same feeling, I've had when opening other fantasies. The situation and the adjectives are too familiar.

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  12. Almost hooked--I like the start of the voice and some of the description, but it would depend a lot on the rest of the scene/chapter and how much the voice and description were handled and blended. It could go over the top too easily or fall apart, so I'd be cautious, but I'd read on.

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  13. Description is good but the flow is all wrong for me. I found it to be too disconnected and it didn't do anything but frustrate me when I read.

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  14. There's clear voice here, which is a good thing; however, you haven't given me much here to care about, so I could probably put this down without feeling like I'm missing out. Still, I'd give you some time to get me.

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  15. Very hooked. I love the voice and well . . . pretty much everything.

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  16. I had a problem with your subject/verb correlation in the second sentence, and found it read awkwardly

    I liked the idea of salty rain though

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