Miss Snark's First Victim
The wording is confusing towards the end, as though the author misused a word or left out one or too. So it's hard to say if I'm hooked.
Confused, not hooked.
the wording is off--too long or word missing? sorry
I'm also confused - less is more, I guess. Light bleeding is cool, and brings to mind some interesting imagery, but there's just too much in this sentence. You know what could be interesting? Trying to write the same sentence in seven words or less. Ten words or less? :) Whatever, that's just my opinion.
I was close to hooked until the end of the sentence. Kind of gets lost in there.
Not hooked. It feels like a run-on sentence.
I was a bit lost as well. Not hooked.
...so many clauses. And I'm officially confused. What is the story? Description without a story is meaningless.
Not hooked, and very confused. Sorry.
Have to agree with the others. This is unreadable as is. Sorry.
Yes, I think you need to change the end of the sentence. It's confusing as is and I wouldn't read on.