Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked, but the 2nd sentence portends some sort of misery -- perhaps bring that more to the foreground.
Ooooooooh! You got me hooked, mostly cuz I want to see where the unfinished sentence is leading! ㋡
Take out the word 'hard' and I'd read on just because it sounds like the suitcase & the protagonist's life are about to fall apart.
I could do without description for the suitcase. Not hooked yet
Not hooked, but would keep reading. I also vote for getting rid of 'hard'.
I would read on, my curiosity was piqued.
Not hooked. Would read on a little further.
I'd give it the rest of the sentence to decide if I was hooked or not. So far the present tense is putting me off.
I kind of like this one :) Just from this little piece, I feel like the MC and the suitcase have a lot in common. Also...GAH, I want to know what the rest of the sentence is!
Not hooked, but would probably keep going anyway. You haven't scared me off yet.The first sentence seems a bit over-done. I'd drop some of the descriptors of the suitcase, or make them seem more 'voicy.' Is that how the character in question would describe the suitcase.
Ditto dropping "hard" -- this almost hooks me if the narrator is comparing his/her life as being held together by the suitcase. If that's the case, I wonder if something more like "The broken suitcase is all that holds my life together. It rests between my legs, broken buckle..."JAS.Cheers. :)
I'm not quite hooked and it's because I stumbled over too much description in the first sentence. Pare that down a bit and you've got me.
I'd like the second sentence first and then maybe...
I'm hooked enough to want to read the back book cover.
Not hooked, but the 2nd sentence portends some sort of misery -- perhaps bring that more to the foreground. wedding rings chile , wedding rings germany ,