Thursday, March 25, 2010

116 YA

TITLE: Haunted Cowboy Robots
GENRE: YA



I’d give my right toe—the little one—to visit my grandpa’s gold mine. I found toes for sale on eBay. I listed mine.
Posted by at
Labels:

18 comments:

  1. StinaMarch 25, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    Maybe hooked. I'd read a little further.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joshua McCuneMarch 25, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    Partial hook -- this seems like one of those openings that's meant for shock value and won't necessarily live up to the promise.

    WV: podsize (as in toes)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gracie Bea WintertonMarch 25, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    I would keep reading, but I agree with anonymous. Needs revision so it isn't confusing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    I liked your beginning. The title? Hmmmm....maybe not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  5. christinaMarch 25, 2010 at 4:49 PM

    I like it--it made me snicker!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shannon O'DonnellMarch 25, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    Ha ha. I like it! (the title? maybe) :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Meghan S.March 25, 2010 at 6:54 PM

    Cute, if I liked the genre I'd definitely be hooked

    ReplyDelete
  8. SojournerMarch 25, 2010 at 6:56 PM

    It seems the sentences are out of order. What would happen if you put the second, then third, then first.
    Toes for sale on Ebay might be a quicker hook. Just a thought.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 7:02 PM

    Sojourner, I agree. That would make this a lot more clever.

    ReplyDelete
  10. rheaMarch 25, 2010 at 7:35 PM

    I also agree with Sojourner. I would read more.

    ReplyDelete
  11. EsperantoMarch 25, 2010 at 7:40 PM

    Ha! I'd keep reading.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AmyspitzMarch 25, 2010 at 9:00 PM

    Whoah! Yeah, okay. I'm curious. And while everyone else has good comments, I actually like the title. (grin)

    ReplyDelete
  13. BradMarch 26, 2010 at 9:23 AM

    Not really hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  14. MichaelMarch 26, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    Hooked, simply because it's so strange. And I like the varying sentence lengths.

    ReplyDelete
  15. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 8:53 PM

    LOL. It's bizarre and a little confusing, but the randomness of toes almost makes me hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  16. David F. WeismanMarch 27, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    I'll read on, as much because of the title as the opening. People can list anything on ebay, at least until it gets taken down.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Cheryl SMarch 27, 2010 at 10:34 PM

    I agree with soujourner.

    There's a bit of a Eww factor, but I'd keep reading a little longer

    ReplyDelete
  18. BronMarch 30, 2010 at 7:42 AM

    Hooked! I liked the mention of the gold mine in the first sentence. It sets up the story as something a bit adventurous. I also liked that the MC upped the stakes by mentioning Ebay, indicating they were serious about the toe thing and not just being dramatic.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)