Miss Snark's First Victim
I think I want some more grounding with Sophie--who is she and why should the reader care about the medallion, before the mysterious object is in her hand, obtained in some unknown way.But it is so hard to comment on 17 words. Maybe all this is coming next? IDK.Watch out for words like "felt"... somewhat generic and it makes for a passive tone instead of active voice--like things are happening to Sophie and she's merely there to experience it.Hope this helps.
The writing could use some beefing up, but it's not bad. Mostly I'm not getting a sense of anything new here.
I have 2 problems. One, the title and the first line both mention the medallion. Just don't like that. Two, sand doesn't drip.I'd read just a little further.
It does feel like a familiar premise. I would move on to another book.
I liked the imagery with the medallion's chain - I perfectly imagined it sliding through my fingers. Hooked.
I don't like the fact that it rhymes, and I agree that sand doesn't drip
I'm with Megalicious. Rhyming makes me cringe. And the sand metaphore also makes me blanche. So, I'm not hooked, but I do love the title...
I'd keep reading to see where it's going.
Not sure. It's sort of a quiet moment, although it does seem somewhat ominous.The sand line threw me too, and kind of took me out of it. I think partly because dripping is ongoing and so I had to stop and think did the medallion just get into her hand? How long is that chain that it's still running through her fingers? Etc. Plus the idea of sand dripping felt off to me. Maybe running, slipping, something like that would be better.
I like the vivid imagery, but the title throws me off somewhat. On the fence, here.
Hooked. I'd keep reading.
Not hooked, but I'd read more because I know the medallion is no ordinary medallion, and things will probably start happening.What those things were would determine if I kept reading or not.
Well, I never even noticed the rhyme! I would keep reading, because I love anything magical.
I'd keep reading to find out why she had the medallion.
The rhyme threw me into song mode. Not the strongest first line, but I'd read the remainder of the paragraph to see if it picks up or provides more info.
I thought the title was good, and I was hooked. However, I didn't like the rhyming in the first sentence.
Not hooked. I think it's because of the slightly off beat reference of chain/sand. For a second I thought the chain was falling apart and the links fell through her fingers.
Not hooked, sorry.
I can't say I'm hooked, but I like the contrast of the cold, heavy medallion and the chain. I'd probably give it a little bit more.