Thursday, March 25, 2010

55 Horror

TITLE: The Thin Line Between
GENRE: Horror


The nightmares come every night, without fail.

In her bedroom, lying on a narrow slice of the king-sized bed, Dana Thomas is dreaming.

20 comments:

  1. Definitely looks like something I would read more of! Great job!

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  2. Interesting....I´d read on.

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  3. Kind of hooked. The writing is nice.

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  4. Not really hooked, and can't say why.

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  5. Not hooked. Think it's the present tense.

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  6. I'm hooked! Love the juxtaposition of narrow slice and king-sized bed.

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  7. Is this Omni? The voice feels distant and doesn't pull me in. I probably wouldn't read on.

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  8. Mostly hooked. I'd definitely read more.

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  9. I like the opening, I would keep reading.

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  10. I think I could be hooked if the tense weren't in the way. I like the idea of: "The nightmares came every night, without fail." With the next sentence describing those nightmares and the person having them. But as is, not so hooked.

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  11. Sorry, but I'm not hooked. I agree with Sophia, the writing tense stopped me cold. Could hook me if I didn't have to stop to think about it though. ㋡

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  12. I think I'd give it a few more pages. I do like the whole "narrow slice" thing.

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  13. Hooked, but hoping something extremely creepy that isn't a nightmare comes up soon. Nice writing!

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  14. Hooked. I'll echo the concerns about the present tense for the story as a whole, but for some reason I'm used to dream sequences being in the present. I'm pretty sure there are a few in Stephen King's Under the Dome, thinking about something I've read recently and loved.

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  15. Not hooked. I feel like you're going to go into the dream next, then she'll wake up, and the dream you got me hooked on will be gone, and then I'll have to start over and try to get hooked on her normal life.

    I don't mind seeing the dream, but I'd rather see her real world first.

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  16. Hooked. For some reason the "narrow slice" of bed caught my attention--want to know where it goes.

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  17. Semi-hooked. I wonder if it is a good idea to start a story with someone dreaming though.

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  18. Not really hooked--nightmares in horror? It's so far not new enough to pull me in.

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