Thursday, March 25, 2010

87 YA Fantasy

TITLE: SIGN OF THE STAR
GENRE: YA Fantasy


Someone approaches, the winds tell me. A rider.

37 comments:

  1. The rhythm of these few words grounds me in the genre you are writing in, but I want more. How does the wind tell you? How do you know it's a rider and not a bear? Is the wind communicating with the narrator explicitly or is it smells etc. that are signaling it? Maybe if there were a bit more to the post I could have a better response.

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  2. Perhaps more words could have been added to this to give either a stronger sense of urgency, or a more vivid picture.

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  3. I'm not hooked. I don't think there's enough information to make me care yet.

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  4. So few words, and yet I like the writing.

    Hooked.

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  5. On the fence with this one, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'd probably give the book another sentence or two, but I don't have any particular reaction based on what's here.

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  6. Not hooked -- seems to be trying too hard.

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  7. The style hooked me.

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  8. I'm hooked--you got me. Wind talking to MC. Nice.

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  9. I think I'm more hooked on the idea of what this is about, than the actual sentences themselves. That said, I'd read on, because I like the idea of the wind talking to the narrator and it feels like we're about to be plunged into some tension if not outright action.

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  10. Sorry, not hooked. It feels a little forced

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  11. Partly hooked. Can't help but feel it needs a little something more.

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  12. I like the writing, I'd read more

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. Interesting. I'd give ita few more paras.

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  15. i like the first sentence. it's restrained but still evokes a mood. i'd read on.

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  16. Hooked. I love how the wind speaks here.

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  17. Hooked. The writer's voice comes across clearly with this, and I want to keep reading.

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  18. It's got a lyricism that reminds me of old school fantasy, which I like. Hooked.

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  19. I like people who talk to winds, but I feel like I've read this before. I'd keep reading to see if it gets less common.

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  20. It read awkward for me. But I'm not a huge fantasy fan either.

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  21. I like it. Talking with the wind appeals to me. It's a soft-feeling sentence, but I like it. Evocative.

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  22. I like this opening. Not horribly strong, but I get a sense of what's happening and that the wind is speaking to the MC.

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  23. i like the writing style enough to keep reading.

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  24. Hooked for at least a few more sentences. I like the tone so far.

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  25. I like the title and the first sentence. Given the genre,I am hooked. My only comment is to combine the two sentences. Something like “Someone approaches, the winds tell me—it’s a rider.” I connected with the protagonist and learned she has communication with the wind. I would read more.

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  26. The first thing I thought was "It sounds like a Haiku". But that is is irrelevant. It must be somebody important if the wind tells you about it. I would read on.

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  27. I'd give it a few more paragraphs because I love YA :)

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  28. Great writing, but I'm not sure I learn enough to be hooked.

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  29. Not hooked. It's too vague and disjointed for me.

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  30. I didn't like the first sentence. It seemed awkward and jerky.

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