Thursday, March 25, 2010

164

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GENRE:


The moon was calling him again. Akinobu opened his eyes in the ink black of the little room, and lay for only a moment

18 comments:

  1. Hooked. Love the idea of the moon calling the character.

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  2. The second sentence read a bit awk, IMO.

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  3. I really like the first sentence, and I'm hooked so far, but the starting in bed (presumably asleep) seems like a slow start to action.

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  4. FANTASTIC! I love it. I'd keep reading. Beautiful start.

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  5. I think this is my very favorite of any that I've read here. Good job! I hope you publish it and I can read this book someday.

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  6. I guess I'm going against the flow, because this didn't grab me at all.

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  7. I like the moon calling, but I'm not overly moved. Twenty five words isn't much to go on, though.

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  8. The moon called. I though werewolf, and didn't know whether I wanted to know more. Now if he were in a trap ???

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  9. Hooked. I think a lot of that has to do with the Japanese name too.

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  10. Wasn't terribly fond of the second sentence, but I like the first and I'd read on.

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  11. The second sentence was a bit awkward but since you lead with "the moon was calling him again," I'm willing to let that go.

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  12. Hey, school-of-tyrannus - this is your entry, right?!? :-)

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  13. I like it...it flowed. The very lasat part (lay in the room), I'm not as sure about, but I love the first line!

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  14. I didn't like the 'only a moment' part. It jarred with the rest of the section for me. Perhaps it would read better if it related to the blackness rather than the duration of time he lay there

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  15. Loved the first sentence. The 2nd killed it.

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  16. Very pretty. I'd read more.

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