Thursday, March 25, 2010

131 YA Paranormal

TITLE: FEEL
GENRE: YA paranormal


I walked into a headache--my private suffering since I’d hit puberty--walking into someone else’s pain. Always the intruder without intent.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

My only issue with this is that the little niggling headache I was thinking about got the hint and is now here full-fledged. Curious to know more about "accidentally" acquiring others' pain.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Hooked. Almost sounds like WAKE, but instead of dreams, you've got headaches.

Bane of Anubis said...

Partial hook 4 me.

Tami said...

Hook. I'm intrigued by the idea of walking into someone else's headache.

samsevern said...

Kinda hooked. Not a full-on hook. I'd read more though. ㋡

shawnawks said...

interested!

Catherine Kariaxi said...

I'm not quite getting this yet... partly because I'm instantly thinking of the other books I've read recently where the protagonist is suffering the same thing that people around her are.

The other thing is I'm not crazy about this opening and think it could be reworded slightly so it is smoother. <- That could just me doing the backseat writer thing again. :)

Megalicious said...

I don't like the flow of the first sentence, but the premise would keep me reading to see what happens next

Jane said...

The concept hooks me, but the language kind of throws me off. I like "walked into a headache," but it's such a new concept for the reader to get his head around, maybe it needs to be presented more simply: fewer dashes, and shorter, more direct sentences.

Vicki Tremper said...

I like the concept. As above, partially hooked.

Kay said...

Intrigued, but the focus seemed off. I need more info.

Jodi Meadows said...

Close. Very close.

Sara J. Henry said...

I stumbled in this, probably because of the punctuation - instead of your second em dash, you need a comma or colon. But yes, I want to know more about walking into someone else's pain. That's a very strong line.

Merc said...

Not yet--the first sentence with the em dashes is confusing and the repetition of "walked/walking" doesn't work for me. It feels overall a bit too choppy, sorry.

falconesse@gmail.com said...

Partial hook. Neat concept, but the first sentence feels a little clunky.

Cheryl S said...

I really liked the first line. Roped me in completely.

Agree about the em dashes. But loved the content

Robbin said...

I walked into a headache. Always the intruder without intent.

this with the title would intrigue me and
then work the rest into your story...