A December Gift of Song, or Authoress Sings (again)

Last December, the lovely and remarkable Lauren MacLeod judged a fun Christmas lyrics parody contest for us.  Not wanting to miss out on the fun, I wrote my own, but withdrew it from the contest before it closed.

Then I wheedled my dear husband into recording and producing it for me.  Many of you listened last year when I posted it a few days before Christmas.  But many of you are new around here (don't be frightened) and missed the fun.

And so I present to you a NEWLY MASTERED VERSION of the Authoress Might-Be-A-Classic-Some-Day Christmas Song, with my best wishes for the season!

SNARK, THE HAGGARD AGENTS SING (lyrics below)
Words by Authoress
Recorded and Produced by Mr. A



Snark! The Haggard Agents Sing
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)


Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!
No more queries sent from hell,
No more stories I can't sell.

Give me eggnog, rum, and cookies,
Save me from these writing rookies,
I've rejected forty-four
thousand and six, and maybe more."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone don't ring!"


"Contracts, royalties, and tears,
Fill the weeks and months and years.
Weary, now, I shut my door,
Screaming, as I go, 'NO MORE!'

Editors, I'm tired of waiting,
On my last nerve you've been grating.
Thanks to you, I soon will be
Paying for clients' therapy."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"


"Give me sand and surf and sun,
I'm in desperate need of fun.
Farewell partial, full, and ARC,
I have had my fill of snark.

Lock the door and turn the light off;
Can't remember my last night off.
Toss the books and pass the gin!
Let the holiday begin!"

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"