Wednesday, November 19, 2014

December Fun: A Christmas/Chanukah Song Lyric Contest!

It's time to roll up your sleeves and conjure sweet visions of gingerbread and dreidels--because I want to see your best holiday song parodies!

On WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10, you will be invited to share your own, creative versions of beloved Christmas and Chanukah songs, with themes related to writing or the publishing industry.

  • When the contest blog post appears, you may enter your masterpiece IN THE COMMENT BOX.
  • Absolutely no emails, please. Comment box only.
  • Please do not enter more than TWO masterpieces.
  • Please use a screen name by which you will be EASILY IDENTIFIABLE. 
  • Lewd entries will be deleted. But you wouldn't do that, anyway.
  • Your masterpiece should be an ORIGINAL set of lyrics that go along with a CHRISTMAS CAROL OR SONG or a CHANUKAH SONG. Make sure your theme is writing- or publishing-related. Please include the TITLE of the holiday tune so that we can all sing along.
The contest will open at 8:00 am EST on Wednesday, December 10, and will close at 8:00 am EST on Thursday, December 11. Comments will then be closed.

THE ESTEEMED JUDGE: Alison Weiss of Egmont USA!

Alison Weiss has been at Egmont for 6 1/2 years. She works on chapter books through YA, and is just starting to look for nonfiction projects, as well. She loves everything from heartwarming middle grade to edge-of-your seat thrillers. She has worked with New York Times best-selling author Jessica Verday (Of Monsters and Madness), Agatha Award winner Penny Warner (The Code Busters Club series), Tony Abbott (Goofballs), Micol Ostow (Amity), Kristen Lippert-Martin (Tabula Rasa), Sasha Dawn (Oblivion), Mike A. Lancaster (Human.4), Sarah Cross (Kill Me Softly;Tear You Apart), Kristina McBride (One Moment), J&P Voelkel (The Jaguar Stones), and Sarah McGuire (Valiant) among others. She also assisted on Christopher Myers’s H.O.R.S.E., which won a 2013 Coretta Scott King Illustrator Honor Award. 

Follow Alison on Twitter HERE.

Alison will read all the entries and pick her favorite.  The winner will be announced on Monday, December 15.

THE PRIZE:  An Egmont tote stuffed with Egmont books and ARCs!

Nifty prize, yes?  And this was all Alison's idea.  I asked, "What could the prize be?" and she said, "Tote!"  

I ran a contest like this waaaaay back in 2009, with the lovely Lauren MacLeod as our judge.  At that time, I wrote my own parody, which I've included below.

(And, no.  You don't have to record yours.  Just post the lyrics.  I just happen to have a fabulous and talented husband to do these things for me!)

Words by Authoress
Recorded and Produced by Mr. A

Snark! The Haggard Agents Sing
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!
No more queries sent from hell,
No more stories I can't sell.

Give me eggnog, rum, and cookies,
Save me from these writing rookies,
I've rejected forty-four
thousand and six, and maybe more."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone don't ring!"

"Contracts, royalties, and tears,
Fill the weeks and months and years.
Weary, now, I shut my door,
Screaming, as I go, 'NO MORE!'

Editors, I'm tired of waiting,
On my last nerve you've been grating.
Thanks to you, I soon will be
Paying for clients' therapy."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"

"Give me sand and surf and sun,
I'm in desperate need of fun.
Farewell partial, full, and ARC,
I have had my fill of snark.

Lock the door and turn the light off;
Can't remember my last night off.
Toss the books and pass the gin!
Let the holiday begin!"

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"


  1. Oh, what fun! What a fabulous prize! What a great way to distract myself while waiting for Friday!

  2. Lol. Those lyrics are great. Lots of fun to sing, too.

  3. I can visualize the post-production party! Very inspiring send-up.

  4. Cool and catchy lyrics. I found myself singing along. Love the parody and the contest idea. Looking forward to reading and/or hearing more.

  5. LOVE your lyrics; I hope at least your agent has a copy.
    If the contest entries include seven or eight other gems, you could burn a CD and sell it on your site. I bet a lot of editors & agents would love to give such a thing to colleagues as a holiday gift!

  6. LOL this is hilarious :) The wheels are turning in my brain already...Can't wait for the contest!

  7. Tote! Awesome, awesome!

    Lol! Love the jungle! This is going to be so much fun. I can't wait! ^_^

  8. Love your song!
    This contest sound like fun. *rubs hands together eagerly*

  9. (Just flirting with Xmas)

    It’s that time of year again.
    Of Chanuka and Xmas cheer.
    A time of family once again,
    Of friends and lots of beer.

    Dart board dusted.
    Vacuuming’s done.
    The tree’s up and lighted
    And kids gone mad, excited.

    We got the shopping done on time,
    Before the madding crowds.
    Chanukiah is polished, shining,
    The turkey’s been defrosted.

    In fact we haven’t forgotten a thing.

    In our house we double dip
    Chanukah and Santa.
    We hang socks over the fireplace
    And welcome 25th.

    Presents opened on the day.
    The kids are ADD.
    When lunch is called, we all gather
    ‘round the groaning table.

    “Hang on a minute,” Says Dad
    “Some one’s missing.”
    We stop and wonder who.
    Dad groans and asks as we all wait…

    "Did anyone pick up Granny?"

  10. LOVE this idea and your funny, creative jingle, Authoress. (Lucky you to have such a talented husband.) And wow, what a great prize, a bag filled with Egmont titles. I'd LOVE to win that! I wrote my lyrics yesterday. Can't wait to post in December and watch the fun happen. Thanks again, Authoress!

  11. lol Very interesting.

  12. OK, I'm just going to chance it.
    To tune of Ma’o tzur

    Eyes are sore and wrists are too
    HEY! SHA NA NA and a latke
    Didn’t save when I was through
    HEY! SHA NA NA I forgotke.

    A writer’s life is so cruel
    I should have gone to law-haw-haw-haw-school

    I’m feeling such defeat
    Thought my work was complete
    Then accidently hit ‘delete.’

    I’m feeling such defeat
    Thought my work was complete
    Then accidently hit ‘delete.’

    Schlock on pages, voice all wrong
    HEY! SHA NA NA Jelly Doughnuts
    Was too short now it’s too long
    HEY! SHA NA NA I may go nuts

    I’m filled with indecision
    This is my 8th revision

    But this book must be hot
    Because if it is not
    My only gelt will be chocolate
    But this book must be hot
    Because if it is not
    My only gelt will be chocolate

  13. (I’m Gonna Stick My) Head into the Sand
    (Winter Wonderland)
    By Sue Fliess

    My hands wring, at revision.
    I don’t see my editor’s vision.
    My story is slight,
    A total rewrite.
    I’m gonna stick my head into the sand.

    Deadlines loom, I am sweating.
    All my skills, I’m forgetting.
    My ending is weak,
    My characters, bleak.
    Nothing’s turning out as I had planned.

    In the margins I can see her edits.
    Things like “Done before” and “Too cliché.”
    She says “Can you fix this?”
    I say, “All right.”
    And then I cry into my Cabernet.

    Gone away is my sanity.
    Every thought is profanity.
    My cheeks are all flushed.
    My ego is crushed.
    I’m gonna stick my head into the sand.

    In the margins I can see her edits.
    Things like “Done before” and “Too cliché.”
    She says “Can you fix this?”
    I say, “All right.”
    And then I polish off the Cabernet.

    I request an extension
    So I can give the story tension
    But panic sets in
    My plot is too thin
    I’m gonna stick my head into the sand.