Monday, December 15, 2014

Winners: Holiday Song Lyric Contest

Alison Weiss apparently spent a good chunk of her weekend singing her way through the entries on the blog.  (Because, after all, how can you tell if it's good unless you sing it--right?)  When it came down to it, she couldn't decide between her two favorites--so she's decided to give out TWO PRIZES!

Here are her winners:

1. (I’m Gonna Stick My) Head into the Sand (Winter Wonderland)by SUE FLIESS

My hands wring, at revision.
I don’t see my editor’s vision.
My story is slight,
A total rewrite.
I’m gonna stick my head into the sand.

Deadlines loom, I am sweating.
All my skills, I’m forgetting.
My ending is weak,
My characters, bleak.
Nothing’s turning out as I had planned.

In the margins I can see her edits.
Things like “Done before” and “Too cliché.”
She says “Can you fix this?”
I say, “All right.”
And then I cry into my Cabernet.

Gone away is my sanity.
Every thought is profanity.
My cheeks are all flushed.
My ego is crushed.
I’m gonna stick my head into the sand.

In the margins I can see her edits.
Things like “Done before” and “Too cliché.”
She says “Can you fix this?”
I say, “All right.”
And then I polish off the Cabernet.

I request an extension
So I can give the story tension
But panic sets in
My plot is too thin
I’m gonna stick my head into the sand.

2. “Maybe It’s Gold Inside” (based on “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”) by J WALT SCOTT

I really can’t pay.
(But maybe it’s gold inside.)
Oh I gotta say nay.
(My book’s gold inside.)
This submission has been
(Been hoping that you’d buy in.)
So very strange.
(I’ll fix what you say I should change.)
Our accountants would start to worry.
(Hey editor, you’d better hurry.)
The sales team would be pacing the floor.
(Can’t you hear those critics roar?)
So really would it fit my list?
(Don’t let this unique chance be missed.)
Or maybe I should read a bit more.
(Oh put your hands on chapter four.)
The readers might think . . .
(Yeah, but it’s explained in there.)
Hey, I don’t get this link.
(It all makes sense in there.)
I wish I knew how
(Your eyes see awards coming now.)
To break this spell.
(I’ll work like nuts so it will sell.)
I want to say no, no, no, sir.
(You want to read a little bit closer.)
At least I’m going to say that I tried.
(I long ago lost all of my pride.)
I really can’t pay,
(Don’t hold out.)
But maybe it’s gold inside.

I’m liking the flow.
(Maybe it’s gold inside.)
The answer was no.
(But maybe it’s gold inside.)
The writing has been
(Please love the tale I spin.)
Far past the norm.
(Just look at the climax, a genius brainstorm.)
My boss will be suspicious.
(Gosh, you can grant my wishes.)
My intern will think it’s a score.
(Like classic bestsellers of yore.)
Acquisitions meetings are vicious.
(Please fulfill all my wishes.)
Maybe just a few chapters more.
(You know this is a book you adore.)
Oh I’ve got to stop here.
(But then you’ll regret it out there.)
Here’s what I fear:
(My book will do great out there.)
Will it go as planned?
(There will be Rowling-like demand.)
But don’t you see
(How can you say no way to me?)
They’ll ask about sequels tomorrow?
(Well, there are lots of ideas to borrow)
At least they’ll be a series implied.
(From books whose authors have died.)
I really can’t pay.
(Get over that doubt.)
Maybe it’s gold inside.

CONGRATULATIONS, you two!  Please email me at facelesswords(at) for instructions on receiving your prize from Alison.

And thanks to EVERYONE who took the time to write some crazy lyrics.  Your effort is noted and appreciated!


  1. Holy cow, those are great!

  2. I love the first one because I can sing it. I don't know the music to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" well enough to appreciate it from a musical stand point, but the lyrics are wonderful. I think those writers should let us know who they are and take the credit that's due them. They're both great fun.

  3. I'm so excited! There were so many great entries...thanks to Alison for choosing mine! Woohoo! Can't wait to get my goodies. Thanks, Authoress, for hosting a fun contest. Now...back to that novel. ;)

  4. I'm thrilled too! What a fabulous opportunity to be goofy. Thanks, Authoress and Alison, and thanks to everyone who posted songs that will fill my head and my house with delight this holiday season.

  5. Love them! Congratulations and many more successes. (can't stop humming . . .)

  6. Maybe it's gold inside was my top pick. I loved it! Congrats to the winners!

  7. Those are both amazing!! Although "Baby It's Cold Outside" was stuck in my head ALL DAY after reading this post...

  8. So fabulous!!