Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Are You Hooked? Young Adult #14

GENRE: YA Contemporary Fantasy

Zoe's found the girl of her dreams—if she can ignore the fur and fangs. The creature responsible for her beast’s torment isn’t finished with her, and this beauty could be cursed as well unless they can defeat this ancient evil.

Tonight is a Magus Moon, almost unnaturally large and bright. A trick of the light, out-of-towners claim.

It’s perfect for a party I don’t want to be at. The crisp night air mixes with the burgers, hot dogs, and chicken sizzling on the grill, but there’s no way I can eat. Someone is bound to say something about class today.

“It’ll be fine, Zo,” Jenny says. “Besides, we have to be here. We couldn’t be the only two cheerleaders not to show up.”

“I guess…”

“Breathe,” she says, as if this anxiety is something I can turn off. “No one’s going to bring it up.”
I grip the sides of my dress, my cheeks burning. “It was humiliating.” It only proves everyone knows how stupid I am. “It took me ten minutes to read a fucking haiku. God, they must think I’m such a dumb blonde.”

“No one laughed. I would’ve killed them if they did. Or fed them to The Magus.”

Despite my mood, I chuckle at her bringing up Statfield’s boogeyman. “I think they’re too old for him.”

“We can always hope they get lost in the woods?” I give her my stop-this-idiocy-now stare and hope she gets it. “Well, I’m scary enough.” She pulls me closer. “Relax. Have a good time.”

“Okay. I promise I’ll try.”

Jenny scans the crowd, a familiar glean in her eye. “Look, check that one out. He’s hot.”

“I just want a nice boy.” Or girl, but I don’t say that part. Somehow, I don’t think the concept would stick. I’d be ‘confused’. And I’d have to hear all about it.


  1. The logline seems to generic. I know you were limited to 50 words but it doesn't tell me enough to entice me.

    The writing is good. I think the opening line doesn't fit with the rest of the first 250. It seems like an awkward transition to me.

    The last line I don't know if Zoe is denying she is bi or if she doesn't know. It seems if she is that it would be obvious to her.

    I would read on.

  2. I loved the first sentence of the logline; the second was a little confusing. And if "Well, I'm scary enough" is Jenny's line then it needs to start a new paragraph.

    I'm always ecstatic to see a bi MC, so that alone would keep me reading for a while... but I have to admit that the logline set me up to think that she and Jenny were already a couple, and "she pulled me closer" sounds like they were already cuddling (or at least Jenny had an arm around her)?

    Regardless, I'd keep reading for a while.

  3. I am not sure about the logline, I can't really tell what exactly the book is about. I like the part "Breathe", she says, as if this anxiety is something I can turn off." I thought that was a really neat, insightful kind of line. The rest of it feels a bit difficult to get hooked on, it seems like the protagonist being dragged to a party is something I have seen a lot before and I'm not being drawn into a conflict yet.