TITLE: love hurts than death
GENRE: YA dystopia
Never ever in my worst nightmare had I dreamt that I would lose you one day. But fate has it's own way. I lost You. To say honestly, I am lost to u.
Could fate break true love? Yes it can, if it was not a true love. Wasn't my love true?
Sorry, I couldn't agree to it. I wholeheartedly loved you. I loved you more than I loved myself. Love is a small word for me to describe my feelings for you.
The moment you left me alone, my dreams were shattered. I couldn't think anymore, everything was blurred. My friends used to tell me to divert my mind. How could I? I lost my mind and feelings to you. It would be better if I slept for some time. But I had a fear of losing u. You may go from my thoughts if I sleep. I don't know when I slept last?
You used to tell me you wont leave me alone at any cost. I promised you the same, even if i was on my deathbed.
Yes I did not change. I did not leave u...
You moved on, you moved on with a guy whom you have been knowing just days back. What did you saw in him that was more than my true love? Did you forget all your promises? You gave me the reason that it was mere liking, it wasn't love. 2 years, wasn't that too long to know the difference between loving and liking?
Didn't you feet for me a single day? I left everyone just for you. My friends warned me that you are using me, but I believed you, more than I believed myself. You had broken my trust, shattered me into pieces . You came as a lesson to my life, not to trust anyone and it's just because of you, I still can't love anyone. I can't forget you, I don't want to forget you. It was infatuation from your side, but I... I loved you and still loves you, purely from my heart, my soul.
There are VERY few writers out there who can do second person effectively. I'm certainly not one of them and don't think it's something I will ever attempt. I think it's admirable that you're trying it, but this opening really doesn't work for me. I think you'd be better off starting with a more traditional voice then maybe after you have more experience, attempting second person again.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I really don't see a story here. Maybe if it started in a different place altogether? With a character in a scene rather than something that sounds like someone sobbing into a diary?
ReplyDeleteIf I were an agent, I would have stopped reading here. Writing this down was, no doubt, an excellent exercise to get to know your character and start exploring his or her voice, but like AMY mentioned, I would jump right into a scene and let us feel your character's heartache through his or her words and actions.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you and LOVE HURTS THAN DEATH!