TITLE: Anomaly
GENRE: YA Science Fiction
After she wakes up dead -- buried behind a house in the middle of the woods, a teenage girl must make sense of her past and the experiment that that gave her life again.
The first time I died I was too young to remember it.
I know it happened because it’s written in the notebook. A three page epic poem detailing my death. Three pages worth of guts and gouging. Silver tools and hungry fingers.
I know it happened because I still have the scar. A long, thin thing that stretches from above my sternum to just below my navel.“The kiss of the scalpel”, the notebook says. I don’t remember it, but I’m sure it didn’t feel like a kiss. Not even close.
The scar is faint. The first time I died I was seven years old. I’m seventeen now. It makes me wonder how large the wound was when it was fresh. It makes me wonder how many stitches it took to patch me up after they brought me back to life. Now the scar is close to invisible. Because of my age, because of the way they fixed me after they were done tearing me apart.
These things are discussed in detail within the pages of the notebook. Words like “unethical” and phrases like “moral consequences” are scrawled more often than my own name. I think that my name -- I think that “Memi” is written five times, maybe six tops. “Unethical” is repeated at least a dozen.
If I could, I would ask which one of them wrote it, but it’s impossible. I’ve been alone for two years.
I’ve been alone since the last time I died.
Great log line and premise!
ReplyDeleteGreat opening, love where this leaves off. So much emotion in this, you introduce the character and the circumstances very well. You give the reader enough, but leave plenty of mystery to keep pulling them through. The only flaw I saw was when you mentioned the protag's name, Memi, you repeat the phrase "I think that". Otherwise, well done. I'd keep reading.
Write on!
Interesting so far. The opening line hooks the reader and makes them curious about what's going on. I'm a little unsure if she remembers things or not, since her poetry implies that she has possible subconscious memories.
ReplyDeleteI have trouble believing that at seven, she would have no memory of such a traumatic event. At three or four, sure, but at seven she'd be in second grade. There might be other reasons for her to not have access to those memories, but being seven isn't likely to be one of them, IMO. Just saying, "I can't remember the first time I died," would probably take care of that.
ReplyDeleteI'm also a little confused, because the logline says she wakes up buried in the woods, but in the story it sure sounds like she's living inside the house.
Overall, I do like this and the last line is a hell of a cliffhanger. :)
In this small excerpt we have "the first time I died" in there two different times, plus a "the last time I died." I started to think "okay, okay I get it." It lessens the punch each time. I also am not a fan of openings with long explanations, but, I do like the Frankenstein-y feel to this and that there might be something good here.
ReplyDelete(Late to the party but here) I really liked this opening! The flow of your sentences and how you revealed information really pulled me along, and I'd definitely turn at least one page. :) My only thought was, because flow was one of the strengths, you might want to include a couple longer sentences where there's a concentration of short ones—everything is broken up so much, there are a few areas where it moves from dramatic to choppy. Other than that, I'm very intrigued! Great work here. :)
ReplyDelete