Miss Snark's First Victim
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It's been interesting over the last few years, since I've relegated this blog to archived-for-the-masses status.
Some of your names have shown up as published authors (even bestselling ones). Others have shown up as publishers or agents. And some of you, I think, have moved on to pastures of a different hue.
For those of you still hard at it who are still receiving this blog in your inboxes, here you go:
Competitive rates, fast turnaround. I'm currently booking slots for April; first come, first served.
WAIT, THERE'S MORE! 😄
I'm SUPER excited to be teaching 2 classes at the Tennessee Writing Workshop on April 26. If you're in or near Middle Tennessee, consider attending! Many classes to choose from, plus opportunities to hobnob with agents.
Classes I'll be teaching:
1. REVISIONS: FROM NIGHTMARE TO NEXT-LEVEL
2. FANTASY AND SCI-FI: HOW TO BUILD AN UNFORGETTABLE WORLD (WITHOUT BORING YOUR READERS)
Hurry and register for the workshop! And if you do, drop me a line and let me know you'll be there.
That's all for now! You can still find me on INSTAGRAM and X (more on the former than the latter). If you're an "oldie but goodie" from MSFV's halcyon days, I would LOVE to hear from you!
Happy writing, all!
Hello, my dear readers!
This blog has been retired for nigh on 3 years, but many of you are still signed up to receive email notifications.
If you're still on a journey-toward-publication, I invite you to sign up for my NEW MAILING LIST FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS.
You'll receive tidbits of advice and encouragement directly in your inbox (instead of having to wade through the massive archives on this blog).
I hope you'll join us!
(Psst--it's free. Just like the blog.)
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| Engin Akyurt |
Hey, everyone!
We've got 14 entries for our Critique Partner Dating Service. Not a huge response, to be sure, but definitely enough to give each of you a chance to find your (almost) perfect Critique Partner.
Guidelines are as follow:
Please post your questions below! I will check the comments regularly and try to stay up to date with public questions
Happy dating!
Go HERE for instructions.
Please remember that our bot is currently not working, so all entries need to be emailed to me directly at facelesswords@gmail.com!
Here's to finding your (almost) perfect critique partner!!
In April, I enjoyed a lovely Zoom chat with a writer who had won the session from my preorder campaign for The Stolen Kingdom. She sent me her first chapter ahead of time so I could do a line edit, and she came to the meeting prepared with specific questions. It was a wonderful thirty minutes! The best part was watching her have distinct "Eureka!" moments as we talked.
It was so rewarding to watch a fellow writer become inspired and encouraged to press on with her work. I loved it so much, in fact, that I've decided to make it a thing.
Introducing: AUTHOR SESSIONS WITH JILLIAN BOEHME
For the first time, I am offering private, one-on-one sessions in which we can discuss your writing. This takes helping aspiring authors to a whole new level for me--it's personal, it's interactive, and it's fun!
Here's what Carla says about her 30-minute session with me:
The 30-minute session: This is a Q&A chat tailored by you! Come to the table with all your questions, whether they're about your current WIP, your writing in general, querying, the publishing industry--or anything else you can think of!
The 40-minute session: This session is specific to your WIP. I will ask you to send your first chapter (up to 10 pages) ahead of time so that I can line edit it prior to our session. We will spend most of our time discussing your work, though there will also be time for you to ask questions on other topics.
The double 40-minute session: The best deal! I will ask you to send your first 25 pages for a detailed line edit prior to our first session. After we've met, you can decide how much time you need before we meet again (2 to 4 weeks, probably, but it can be longer if you need more time). You'll also receive a 25% discount on any session you choose to purchase next.
Interested? Drop me an email at jillian@jillianboehme.com. I'd love to hear from you!
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| Getty Images |
I'm feeling "moved-in" enough to settle at my desk and roll out the Critique Partner Dating Service I've been promising you! Thank you for your patience.
Here's the disclaimer: Finding good critique partners really is like finding good life partners. Just because you both write fantasy or you've both been writing for exactly three years or your first names both begin with "N" doesn't mean you're going to be a good fit. Relationship is a huge part of this, in addition to artistic vision and the ability to "get" each other's work.
So keep in mind that, as you seek people to swap work with, things may or may not work out, and that's okay. What I'm offering you here is a springboard; a chance to get your name and your needs out there in the hope that you may click with someone.
Here's how it'll work (PLEASE READ THESE DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY):
Maybe you're wondering why nothing else has come down the pike over here. I DON'T BLAME YOU.
Basically, when I ran our in-house critique last month, the bot crashed. I was able to receive entries by hand, which was fine--but, moving forward, I've got to get things straightened out. Michael, my illustrious and indispensable creator and maintainer of the bot, is as busy as can be, so I don't like to hound him.
HAVING SAID THAT:
I am going to try to continue to offer some smaller-scale things that I can upload by hand. In a way, this fits the feel of the blog a little better right now. Eventually, I'm hoping we can get things running the way they once were.
Obviously, I can't run another Secret Agent Contest until the bot has been fixed. What I want to do next is to run another CRITIQUE PARTNER DATING SERVICE. I need to make sure the system I come up with is workable on both ends before I launch this.
To help me gauge interest, will you please do me a favor? Leave me a comment below, letting me know if either you'd be interested in finding new critique partners or you have writer friends you know are looking for critique partners that you'd be happy to send our way. We've had great success with this in the past, and I definitely want to resurrect it!
In other news, we're closing on our new home THIS FRIDAY, so my life is sort of looking like this right now:
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We have LOVED living in our apartment for the past 6 months--who knew?? We're actually staying here an extra couple of weeks so that we have time to do some painting in the new house and to move in s-l-o-w-l-y instead of having one big, exhausting moving day.
So, yes, I'm in the midst of All The Moving, but I didn't want to leave this blog by the wayside. PLEASE DO LEAVE A COMMENT concerning the Critique Partner Dating Service--I will be hanging on your every word!
AND ONE MORE THING:
I am currently accepting a LIMITED NUMBER of Premiere Critiques. Please email me at authoress.edits@gmail.com to secure your spot. A Premiere Critique looks like this:
*a line-edit of your first 75 pages
*a detailed editorial letter
*guaranteed 1-week turnaround
*cost: $289 payable in 2 installments via Venmo or Paypal
I will accept any genre except Erotica or Erotic Romance, in all categories (adult, YA, MG). Feel free to email me if you have any questions.
Congratulations to CARLA KESSLER, who has won the 30-minute FaceTime or Zoom meeting. Carla, I've sent an email!
Huge thanks to everyone who preordered--and continue to order--THE STOLEN KINGDOM. I just received my complimentary audiobook yesterday, and oh my goodness, it sounds great! I so admire voice actors who can bring stories to life.
I'm committed to keeping things going here on the blog, but my calendar is going to remain busy for a bit longer. (Also I've got to get the submission form problem resolved.) Rest assured that it's on my radar.
Thanks again, and hugs to all!
I'm thrilled beyond measure to be sharing my release-day author event with Mary E. Pearson, who is one of my favorite authors!
Mary and I will be chatting about The Stolen Kingdom, but also about books and writing in general--wherever the conversation may wander! I'd be delighted if you could join us.
The (free) event will take place THIS EVENING at 6 pm MT (8 pm ET).
CLICK HERE FOR EVENT INFORMATION ON OLD FIREHOUSE BOOKS' WEB SITE.
CLICK HERE FOR THE FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE.
Many of you know how long my journey to publication was--some of you have followed along almost from the beginning. It's an immeasurable blessing to watch my sophomore novel fly into the world, and to share an event with Mary E. Pearson on top of that? I have no words.
If you haven't read Mary's Remnant Chronicles, GRAB THEM NOW! It's one of my favorite trilogies. The Dance of Thieves duology is also magnificent.
I hope you'll be there tonight! Thanks, everyone, for being part of my online tribe.
Dearest hearts! I definitely messed up the submissions for this one, and I'm sorry! Thank you to all entrants who were willing to flex and email your entries directly.
(This felt like old times, before I had an automated system. I have twitch-worthy memories of having to create 50 posts by hand for the Secret Agent contests. My, how easily we get spoiled!)
At any rate, here are 12 diverse entries for your critiquing pleasure!
PLEASE REMEMBER HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO SHARE YOUR FEEDBACK ON AS MANY OF THESE YOU HAVE TIME FOR. We strengthen our critiquing chops every time we give it a try. Giving and receiving honest, helpful critique is an important part of our journey as authors. This is a safe environment for you to dive in and do it!
GUIDELINES:
1. ENTRANTS: Please critique a minimum of 3 other entries as your way of giving back.
2. It's helpful to start by commenting on something you like.
3. Be kind. Corrective criticism is never harsh.
4. ENTRANTS: Don't try to justify yourself by "explaining things" to critiquers in the comment box. Most of their questions are meant for you to answer yourself, as you revise. If you feel the need to explain your writing, then your writing isn't clear. Take the critique notes with you when you begin your revisions.
5. I can't police all these comments. If you see something inappropriate, please email me.
Thank you all for your participation! This is the heart and soul of the Miss Snark's First Victim community, and I'm thankful to have jumped back in.
Wednesday--Day 0
When the bell announced the end of fourth period, jolting me back to the present, my thoughts scattered along with the notebook and pen on my desk. Someone behind me snickered, but I was used to that. I took a moment to reorient myself to clase de español. As usual I’d been daydreaming about this one guy I know. Or used to know. Sort of. Whatever.
I sighed, collected my stuff into my bag, and filed out of the classroom with my fellow sheep. In the hallway, students gathered in clusters around their lockers, but I kept moving. Someone spotted me and said, “Hey, Ana. Where were you last period? The moon?”
Another kid slapped the first’s arm and said, “No, Uranus,” then laughed at his own joke.
When are they going to grow up?
At a hallway intersection, Isaac fell into step beside me, his sandy blond hair flopping over his green eyes. He pushed it aside, only to have it fall back again, as always. "How many?" he asked.
“Just two a minute ago. For a while I thought today would be a shut-out for you. How’d you do?”
“I think Brad was feeling nostalgic. He tried to trip me, but I hopped over his foot.”
“Nice.” I held up a hand. He slapped me a half-hearted five.
“Then Jim called me Beaker Brain.”
“I’ve always liked that one.”
All those signs, I knew what they meant,
Some things you can invent
And some get made, and some get sent.
Kyah stared at the Blue Heron in the swamp as she finished listening to the song. She
wondered if he’d capture whatever he was watching. They were the most patient of birds. She
had seen them flying away. She had seen them walking in the water. She even watched one
swallow a fish once. But she had never seen one catch a fish. She wasn’t as patient as the Blue
Heron.
Her fingers hit the pause button on her headphones as she absorbed into the world of
signs. Her unintended words. The truth of them. His words back.
Some things you can invent
Kyah knew those truths. Things were easily invented in a paranoid mind. Or even a
protective mind. A mind that wanted to protect a heart from hurt. A mind that was afraid of
losing that heart. Kyah closed her eyes as the wave of emotions washed over her. There were
days, she was in control of the emotions. Other days, she wanted to curl up in the corner and
sob. Seth was a trigger. The trigger of what she’d lost. A bit of her innocence, a bit of her sanity, and now, more of her heart.
She wasn’t sure where they stood anymore. It was all muddled in her mind, by her mind.
Chapter One
Abree sat before the fire in the orphanage’s common room. Her arms stretched out to the hearth. In her fingers was the tingling promise the flames would obey—but first, she needed to persuade the Fyre spirit she was its master.
Her lips move fiercely, repeating the ancient charm with all the will she could summon.
“Ausculto.”
Luminous wisps danced away from the blazing logs into the midst of the room, advancing and retreating, twisting into spirals and rosettes they approached her. Fire tickled her feet, only to withdraw before she could shape them. “Moon’s sake!” Abree cursed.
“Concentrate, child,” Nana hissed, her tongue flicked over her thin lips. “The flames are too agitated to shape. Calm them.”
Sweat formed and fell across Abree’s forehead, stinging her eyes. Her midnight-black hair was damp with it. She fluttered her fingers again in command and watched for signs of obedience.
“Ausculto. Ausculto.”
The blaze flickered in response.
“Focus,” Nana encouraged. “Use the flame as a paintbrush. Create your form above us.”
Abree tapped her finger to the air and willed the embers to transform from orange to her favorite deep-red. She drew her heart-shaped face, a puckish nose, then added wide-set eyes. Above the ear, Abree added her left horn to the silhouette, curving forward and circling into a ridged spiral that swooped up at the tip. She didn’t dare stop.
Everyone knows dinosaurs are extinct. They lived over a hundred and fifty million years ago, and all that’s left of them are a bunch of fossils and bones. That’s what I thought too, until I met Monty.
It all started on the day of our class trip to the Royal Ontario Museum, or the ROM. We were going to see a new dinosaur exhibit, called “T-Rex, The Ultimate Killing Machine.” At the time, I would have rather met up with a T-Rex in a dark alley than tour the ROM with my class.
“You’ve been grumbling all morning. What’s wrong?” my Mum asked. She had this keen Spidey sense and could always tell when something was bugging me.
“I’m not feeling well,” I said, which was kind of true. My stomach was tying itself into knots.
Mum felt my forehead. “You don’t have a fever.” She put her hands on my shoulders and looked me square in the eye. “You love dinosaurs. Why don’t you want to go?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to tell her the truth, which was that we would be eating our lunches together at tables in the museum cafeteria and the odds were good that no one would want to sit with me.
“I don’t know anyone at my new school,” is what I said instead.
"You've only been there a few weeks, honey. Don't worry. You'll make friends," Mum reassured me. "Sometimes you have to make the first move. Ask if you can join in."
Mrs. Sherill Carter-Barrett is wearing heels, a navy suit, and a frown that suggests I’m wasting valuable minutes of her life. I figure I have about 90 seconds to win her over.
“Thanks for being our new sponsor, Mrs. Carter-Barrett. I’m sure you’ll do a great job,” I say.
“Thank you.” She’s shifting notes around on the podium in front of the stage, and she doesn’t look up from her papers.
I glance at the other students filing into the auditorium. “Will we be voting on new officers today? Because I’m very interested.”
Mrs. Carter-Barrett stops shuffling pages and looks at me. Her eyes are a surprising light gray next to her brown skin. “What’s your name?”
I stand taller. “Hally Nunn. I’ll be a senior next year.”
She looks me over. “Well, Hally, thank you for your interest. I will announce plans for electing officers, as well as a new focus for the NHS, during the meeting.”
Gabe shifts next to me. He’s standing exactly according to our plan, with his skinny but well-dressed body strategically placed to block anyone who might try to interrupt my conversation. I look up at his calm face, and he gives me a tiny nod of encouragement. I try again. “But could you-”
She holds up a hand. “Hally, I’d prefer to explain everything once, to everyone who is interested. Please have a seat.” She points to the rows behind me.
Gabe tilts his head toward some open chairs. “Come on, it’s chill.”
