Thursday, March 25, 2010

31 SF/Suspense

TITLE: DARKLIGHT
GENRE: Adult Sci-Fi/Suspense


September 11, 2001 - 9:35 a.m.

Major General Gerald L. "Lucky" Sinclair, US Air Force, was walking along the E-Ring of the Pentagon, on his way out

18 comments:

Momwoman said...

Just not doning it. Maybe I don't like the idea of sci/fi and the Pentagon together?

school_of_tyrannus said...

cool. i like it.

Jodi Meadows said...

Maybe. Gonna be hard to pull off a 9/11 story.

I like the title, but I'm afraid it's probably been used. Might want to do a search on Amazon.

Anna said...

I'm on the fence with this one, but I have to admit that I initially balked at the 9/11 date, and that would be pretty hard for me to get past. Totally a personal thing, on that front. Other than that, I'm mildly intrigued - not a strong push to keep reading, but interested enough to see about the next page or two.

Megalicious said...

I don't mind the 9/11 date, that is what would probably catch my interest in the first place. But I don't need to know he's a major general & his nickname is "Lucky." I think those descriptions can wait, they don't need to be part of the first sentence

fairchild said...

I'd read on.

The long name and titles at the start were a bit much to get through.


Wordver: forks

Kitty DuCane said...

I'd read on only because I like all things military.

Selestial said...

I'm curious about this so I'd probably give it a little longer, but that would be more because of the title and the 9/11 set-up. The sentence itself didn't do anything for me.

Beth said...

I'm curious about how scifi fits in with 9/11. I would read on.

Katee said...

Too much info-dumping in the first sentence. It threw me off. Not hooked.

samsevern said...

Not hooked. Didn't even realize the significance of the date until I read another reader's comment.

I agree with Beth, if there's a fit with 9/11 and Sci-Fi, and you show me, then I'm HOOKED! ㋡

smr said...

the 9/11 connection is a turn off to me. that wasn't sci fi, that was very real. not hooked.

Barbara said...

The general has almost left the building.

Sorry. It doesn't do anything for me.

The 9/11 and sci-fi aspect are interesting, but not interesting enough to overcome the opening line.

falconesse said...

I have to echo the 9/11 concern, but I'd also say the date and time at the start are what gives it the tension in the first place (otherwise, it's a general walking out of the Pentagon -- a hook for location, I suppose, but not a suspenseful action by itself.

I'm also not a big fan of starting out with full names and titles. "Major General Gerald L. "Lucky" Sinclair, US Air Force," eats up nine words, but I don't know how much it really shows me about him. I'm guessing that the nickname is the most important thing in there, but it gets a little lost otherwise.

I think this is one where I'd flip to the back cover and read the blurb to see what the story is about before I pressed on further.

Iris said...

About hooked.

I am not a fan of 9/11 stories, too overexposed, but the sci-fi twist would get me to pay attention. The long name does not bother me, although I admit that within 25 words, 9 words of a name feels a bit excessive. :)

Would read a few more lines.

Mary Brebner said...

Meh. (sorry!) To me, 9/11 is too easy a way to create instant drama & suspense.

Krista V. (the former Krista G.) said...

I, too, shuddered a little at the combination of September 11th and SF. It IS immediately intriguing - but maybe not in the way that you'd want.

Not hooked.

Merc said...

Not really hooked, but then I'm not really into 9/11 stories.