Thursday, March 25, 2010

51 Regency Romance

TITLE: A Tale of Two Sisters
GENRE: Regency Historical Romance


William Battencliffe wagers five thousand pounds that Miss Julia St. Clair will become the next Countess of Clivesden.

Benedict's fingers constricted about the quill.

17 comments:

Juli Page Morgan said...

I have to say this didn't really hook me. For me, there's a little too much going on - three names and a title all in the first 25 words. Since I like romance, I'd probably read on, but not because of this first bit.

Jodi Meadows said...

I'm possibly hooked. I don't care for the title though.

Momwoman said...

Good Regency-styke writing. I like it.

fairchild said...

Hmmmm....maybe a few more lines.

Sandra Ulbrich Almazan said...

I'd read on a little longer.

Katee said...

I'd read a little longer.

Sara J. Henry said...

Hooked.

Portia said...

Hooked. This is well done and aligns with the genre, in my opinion.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I'd read more. :-)

Barbara said...

Interesting start, but I'd also like to know who he's betting against - Julia herself? Benedict? or someone else? I'd read more to find out.

Valerie Sloan said...

I like the title. But the second sentence confuses me... or well, loses me, I guess. Is there a better way to say he tightened his grip on the quill? Constricted just seems awkward for how someone would hold a pen.

melody colleen said...

I really like this. Definitely would read more.

Anonymous said...

Don't like the title. Tale of Two Cities. Too close.

Hard to say on the rest. You really need a whole para before you can make a judgment on this. But I reckon in a paragraph I'd get the measure of whether I am hooked.

Merc said...

Hrm, I would read on.

Lucy Woodhull said...

That's a lot of names. I might read on, but "Countess of Clivesden" sounds super-duper made up. So does Battencliffe. I'm sorry if they're not (if they are historical/actual family names), but they make me chuckle.

Selestial said...

Not my genre. If I read this sort of thing, it might grab me a bit, but there isn't enough here to snag me as a new reader

Robbin said...

I liked the opening sentence...and normally I don't like a lot of names at the beginning but this worked for me.

The 2nd one killed it.