Thursday, March 25, 2010

67 UF

TITLE: Spirit Called
GENRE: Urban Fantasy


The flight attendant’s feet were aching. But arranging a fake smile into some semblance of humanity was all a part of the job.

17 comments:

  1. Not hooked. The flight attendant doesn't have a name? Or a gender?

    Having had a job in which fake smiles and aching feet were normal, it's going to take more than that to hook me.

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  2. I like this. I'm willing to wait for her name.

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  3. Strong sentences. But may not be hooky enough for the slush pile. I might read on.

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  4. Why no name if she's the POV character?

    Doesn't seem to be much going on here, so I'd proably mosey along to another book.

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  5. The 2nd sentence is too wordy. I think "But faking a smile was part of the job" would suffice. Interested, but not completely hooked

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  6. A smile can't really be a semblance of humanity, can it? I think I get what you're trying to say, but it's not quite there. The situation is too ordinary to interest me.

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  7. Good writing, but I'm not quite hooked yet. I'd read on for more before I made a final decision.

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  8. i'm wondering how you're going to connect an urban fantasy to the flight attendant. for the simple reason that i'm intrigued by disasters on planes, i'd read on.

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  9. Not hooked. I'd probably read on a bit more before deciding to not read, but it'd need to pick up soon to hook me.

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  10. I'm not hooked. Describing the character as "the flight attendant" felt a bit too wordy.

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  11. Curious enough to give it a few more sentences. I want to know what the flight attendant's species is. (grin)

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  12. Ahh, took me a second or third read to get your use of "humanity" here. I like it better knowing that, but I wonder if it's a little too subtle? I'd read the next line to see if you hit me with more tension.

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  13. not hooked, but i'd read a few more sentences to see if the writer could change that.

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  14. Not hooked. I see a tired flight attendant.

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  15. Meh. I'd read a little more to see what was going on.

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  16. I love UF, so I might give it a bit more to see if it grabbed me, but these lines really don't.

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