Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Secret Agent #13

TITLE: Until You Are Mine (Until You #2)
GENRE: NA Romance

Weeks pass in an emotional haze. The never-ending stream of friends and strangers dropping in to pay their respects by bringing food or flowers has long stopped. It’s just me and Mom now. Except, it truly feels like it’s just me and a body that used to be my mother. She barely leaves her room. She’s not handling Dad’s death well. I can’t blame her. I really can’t, but she can’t spend the rest of her life in bed.

It’s like I’ve lost my mother too. Like I’m the mother, having to remind her of life’s basic needs.
It’s hard getting myself up and to school when most days I would rather just roll over and go back to sleep. Besides missing my dad, I miss Jace and Joseph. I miss Joseph oh so much, but I just can’t go there. The immediacy of life is banging down my door, far too many things to worry about and stress over to think about Joseph and our future that may never be.

I’m barely keeping it together. I’m in my senior year of high school, getting ready to graduate, intern at MCI this summer, and start at UT in the fall while also trying to keep our house running like my father was here. Like his absence hasn’t left me with paying bills, grocery shopping, and sorting out my father’s estate. Things an eighteen-year-old should not have to deal with.

There’s that, too. Today’s my eighteenth birthday.


  1. You've done a wonderful job at setting the scene! I already know so much about this character with only 250 words, and as a reader I am prepared to head into the rest of the scene with a great handle on what I'm working with. Kudos.

  2. This is entirely narration with a heavy dose of telling. We really need to see some action with narration and introspection woven in.

    Also, a 18-y-o still in high school is YA.

    Good luck!

  3. This MC feels like too much of a sad sack right off the bat. Nothing is happening here except backstory and, sorry, whining. I am sure you have an interesting character and story here, I would prefer to be dropped into some action rather than a speech!

  4. This is a lot of "telling" rather than "showing". I’d recommend starting in action—not peak action, but the main character actually doing something that would allow readers to get this back information slowly while they are investing in the here and now. Could she be at the grocery checking out instead of in class? The options are endless. You have a great understanding of your MC and her challenges. Use the first few pages to let the reader get to know the MC so they can get invested in her too.

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