TITLE: MOONSILK
GENRE: MG historical fantasy
Dear Ms. Authoress,
I am writing to see if you might be interested in my middle-grade novel-in-verse entitled MOONSILK. It is an Asian Rapunzel story set in a mythical ancient China and mixes both fantastical and historical elements from that culture.
For fifteen years, Moonsilk, who was born with albinism, was locked away in isolation in her wealthy Ch'in family's granary tower because of her strange violet eyes, her sun-sensitive skin, and her long silver hair. That is, until one day when her family discovers she has magical powers that can bring silk weavings to life. They then send her away to join the Imperial Order of Silk Sisters--a special group of weavers who make royal robes and army clothing for the Palace.
When the weavers begin to disappear mysteriously one-by-one, some blame the albino Moonsilk for bringing bad luck into their midst. Moonsilk sets out to look for the missing girls as a way to clear her name, but finds herself trapped, too, in the kidnapper's lair.
When the kidnapper--an evil Imperial minister--forces the weavers to work on a horrific "Loom of Doom" as part of his plan to overthrow the Emperor, Moonsilk finally realizes that her "difference" may be her greatest asset after all--and possibly the only way to save herself, her silk sisters, and her country from impending war.
In case you are interested, an earlier prose version of MOONSILK was nominated for the Sue Alexander Award from the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. Since then, I have rewritten MOONSILK as a novel-in-verse. The verse format allows me to capture better Moonsilk’s intense emotions and reflects aesthetically the issue of black vs white that so profoundly affects her life.
The full manuscript contains 72 poems based on the divisions of the Chinese solar calendar and runs 25357 words long.
Thank you so much for your time and attention. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Teeny Wolf
No. More of a personal preference on format: the story-told-in-verse idea doesn't grab me.
ReplyDeleteNo. The bit about the Sue Alexander Award is nice, but if I were an agent, my first response would be to wonder why the author didn't keep this as a prose piece. Because MOONSILK the prose novel isn't what is being sold, don't mention it in the query. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYes! The query is a bit overlong, but I'd read for the concept alone, and I love novels in verse.
ReplyDeleteNo. Needs hook and dilemma. Interesting that the story is told in poems. Not sure what agents represent poem novels though.
ReplyDeleteYes, but barely. The query is too long, and I'm not sure about a novel in verse, but I was hooked by the concept.
ReplyDeleteNo. The idea seems original, and the work itself could be lovely, but I'm not sure how wide the audience for a novel in verse would be.
ReplyDeleteNo. You had me until the novel-in-verse, but that's just a personal preference. Your plot sounds interesting but I don't think I could ever read an entire novel in verse.
ReplyDeleteYes. Great concept—fairy tale retelling in an interesting setting—and clear query. Personally, I think I'd rather read it as a normal novel than one written in verse, but I would certainly request pages.
ReplyDeleteHesitant yes. I'd be interested in actually seeing your execution.
ReplyDeleteYes. I agree with Becky Mahoney.
ReplyDeleteNo. Nothing about Moonsilk's character really grabbed me, but maybe I'm just tired of fairy tale retellings right now.
ReplyDeleteVery hesitant yes, because the premise sounds cool (although I have many quibbles about the plot and world as portrayed in the query).
ReplyDeleteNo for me
ReplyDeleteNo. First sentence of second paragraph is too long. I had to re-read it a few times. If the novel is in verse, write the query in verse. Now that will be a guaranteed attention grabber for anyone who likes that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteYes, because the premise sounds interesting, although I'd be more excited if it were in prose. Also, I'd need to know down the road that you had either lived in China or done a LOT of research to make the setting work.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'm intrigued by the premise, but honestly I agree with Kara that I'd be more interested if it were prose.
ReplyDeleteYes - sounds like a very intriguing story although I have some reservations in the cliche department (Loom of Doom?). Also wouldn't mention Sue Alexander at all unless it was a win.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think the story sounds intriguing. Not positive about the delivery (in verse), but I like the premise, name (Moonsilk) and Loom of Doom. Hard to go wrong when you've got a Loom of Doom.
ReplyDeleteNo. My first question would be why the original version was not published. I don't think I could read an entire novel in verse. My other concern would be the age of the MC - the voice doesn't quite sound like MG to me.
ReplyDeleteHesitant yes. I like the story idea enough to want to see more, but am concerned about a novel written in verse, especially for the MG reader.
ReplyDeleteHesitant yes. The idea of a novel in verse doesn't do much for me, but I like the premise enough I might give it a whirl.
ReplyDeleteYes. Hooked by the concept and voice. I am however very skeptical about a novel in verse.
ReplyDeleteThis would be a yes from me, for the first few poems. Novels-in-verse are actually quite popular on the YA/MG side (Ellen Hopkins has made quite a name for herself this way). My only worry is that poems for MG are not as complex as poems for YA or aduls, and for that reason I wonder at how you get complex emotions across to young readers in that medium. Thus, I wouldn't ask for the full right off the bat.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I'd change is mentioning that a previous prose version won the award. It's not that this isn't respectable, it just raises the question of - why wasn't this published. It may be safe, however, to say that a previous version of this was nominated, without going into detail at all about prose vs. poetry. The content obviously caught attention before; that's the important part.
Other than that, perhaps add in your main character's goal - does she want freedom (she was trapped in a tower) or something else? The conflict of kidnapping must impede this goal. But there is enough of a voice and a progression here that I'd chance a look.
Yes. I love the premise, prose or verse, and thought it was an original take on the fairytale.
ReplyDeleteI liked your explanation as to why you turned it into a novel-in-verse, and I read that as something you chose to do to enrich the story, rather than something you did because you couldn't get it published in prose. If that's the case, I'd make that more clear.
Tentative yes. I'd take a peek at the pages to see if they held my attention.
ReplyDeleteYes - I found the whole concept interesting including that it's told in verse. Wondering if it fits better in YA than MG but only you would know.
ReplyDeleteWow. This is really interesting. I'd take a look for sure!
ReplyDeleteSo torn!
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna say no, and what tips me over is that it's in verse. If this were prose, I'd say yes, even with the "Loom of Doom" (sorry, that made me laugh, not in a good way).
But I would definitely look at the sample pages and beg them to change my opinion.
Yes--I love the literary feel and the albinism.
ReplyDeleteTentative yes, based on sample pages. If the verse is very, very good, then I would request more. I'm wary of 25K words of it though. I was slightly confused by the premise. Did the minister know about her powers (do all sisters have the power?)... else, how does he plan to overthrow the emporer with a loom?
ReplyDeleteNo, because I don't like novels in verse. If it was in prose I would have said yes.
ReplyDeleteCount me as another hesitant yes. Unique character, intriguing premise, but some issues with query taking too long to get to the plot. A long query matched with a book in prose? Raises a red flag.
ReplyDeleteNot for me. The time period/setting don't interest me and I don't like novels in verse. (I also come down against the "Loom of Doom." Came off as silly when the tone of the rest is much more serious.)
ReplyDeleteYes. Love the concept, it sounds beautiful and quite different.
ReplyDelete