Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Grab My Heart #26

TITLE: Mirror Breaker
GENRE: YA Fantasy/Science Fiction

Emery Glass is a Mirror Maker. She can create a mirror and walk through the reflection into an alternate reality. To return, she simply breaks the mirror, and the reflection world ceases to exist. When Emery’s sister disappears in the Mirror World, Emery will do anything to find her: break the rules, design illegal mirrors, even face being exiled from the Ward.

My little brother, Gates, lied about me dying. Of course, it’s best everyone thinks I’m dead, and he’s smart enough to know that. Every week, they air my story on WatchBank. Sometimes it flashes twice a week on the com-screens distributed around The Shadows. Many of the sector’s worst criminals live there. I suppose they think I’m famous amongst the villains.

In the nicer areas of the ward, such as Glass Hill, it’s broadcast at least once a month on the cyber kiosks. It looks out of place mixed in with the stories that spotlight first-class citizens. Or the celebrity webcasts. That’s probably why they keep it minimal in these areas.

Other than high society gossip, the kiosks run government propaganda. Hype pieces about magic and the evil it brings. Abolition. Revolution. Segregation. Anti-succession. With elections coming soon, the political ads can drive even the kindest people over the edge.

Now that I’m a fugitive, I have to work on a new disguise. I hope I can come out of hiding soon and live life again. Being the most hated girl in the world isn’t easy. Well, maybe not the world, but it might as well as been the entire universe. That’s how I feel.

The sun glistens off the river. Early morning is my favorite time of day. Gates will be here with whatever food he’d scavenged from the table without notice. I somehow make every crumb count.


  1. Great pitch although I sense there is more struggle than just finding her sister in your story - if so, put it out there.

    Great first line as well and a good setup of the MC hiding out as a potential villain (or at least framed as one). Well done

  2. Your opening contains lots of interesting worldbuilding, but I wonder if it has too much of an info dump in the second through fourth paragraphs. As is, you have an excellent opening sentence, then something of a helicopter ride over the setting before arriving at the relevant river, very movie-like. Reordering the paragraphs to place the character on the stage before jumping into the descriptions of the other areas might ground the reader more.

  3. Love this concept! Great pitch too. You had me at mirror maker. Wonderful opening line. Intriguing setting. The transition into the last paragraph is a bit jarring though, could be a little smoother.

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