Thursday, June 26, 2008

Talkin' Heads -- MC #1

Situation: Multi-national (interstellar) group being marched down a path on unknown planet by unknown attackers with two Speail Forces groups working together for an escape.

“Are you sure you can do this? If Khal and his gunner haven’t managed to neutralize our targets were walking cold into a hot situation. I’m just as good a shot as you are.”

Kit closed her eyes and muttered something low, a prayer maybe. “I’m not going to die Beka, it’s just a bruise.”

“It’s a bruise and a concussion combined with what I’m guessing are several strained or torn muscles, dehydrations, fatigue, and the beginnings of malnutrition. It’s been nearly four days since you’ve had anything solid.”

“I could take a sniper position if it would make you happy,” Kit offered.

Beka couldn’t smile at her friends’ concession, but she did feel some minor relief. “I’d feel better if I knew you were somewhere picking off people. It’s better than both weapons going in open and obvious.” Kit nodded. “Maybe you should take my hand gun?”

“Keep it hidden and keep a garrote handy. You have one, correct?” Beka nodded an affirmative. “You’ll probably wind up doing close combat if it comes to anything, but it’s best for you to keep all your weapons. If worse comes to worse we can split up.”

“And meet where?” Beka didn’t even bother to ask what worse might be. She knew what worse was, they had trained for worse. No one ever bothered to train for the mission that would go off perfectly with nary a bruise.


  1. I care about Kit. Anyone who's been through what she's been through deserves my sympathy. She sounds tough. I hope she's also smart to know that fighting in a weakened condtion as described would work more against her than for her. Yes, I'd read more.

  2. :o) Hooray! Poor Kit takes a beating in this book but I think it's worth it in the end.

  3. *If you care about the MC Hmmm, not sure if the MC is Beka or Kit--although Kit does sound tough, nothing about her or Beka really grabs me here. But then again, you do know my take on FMCs. ;) I don't _dislike_ her but she just sounds, I dunno, determined enough to get the job done and that's good.

    I suppose I usually have to see a little more to know if I care.

    *If you want to know what happens next Sure. Possible firefights and explosions are always good. %-)


  4. This is nice and gritty. I don't know if it was kosher to add the context at the top, since this is a first page hook. And the spotty paragraphing made it hard to follow. But after the first exchange or two, I got a strong image of the situation and the two women fighters, and a sense of the high stakes. And if Kit is the MC, yep, I think you succeeded in making me care. And yep, I want to know what happens next.