Thursday, March 25, 2010

13 YA

TITLE: Tales from a Tenth Grade Snitch
GENRE: YA


One thing goes through your mind when your face is two inches from a mouse trap baited with a cube of moldy cheddar. Ew.

27 comments:

  1. why try to catch a reader with what is yuckie to you and them? Not hooked.

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  2. I'm curious why the person is two inches from a mouse trap. I'd read on.

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  3. Eh. Not hooked, but not grossed out. Honestly reminds me too much of the nasty cheese in Diary of a Wimpy Kid, so I probably wouldn't read on.

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  4. First sentence is a little rambly.

    Also, poor mouse! I'm not committed to being hooked or not hooked.

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  5. Not really hooked. "One thing goes through your mind" felt like the reader was telling me what I'd think about the situation.

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  6. Hmm. Not hooked. The first sentence ran a little long.

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  7. A lot of other things would go through my mind. Not hooked.

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  8. As somebody who used plenty of snaptraps on the seasonal mouse invasion (before I got the cat who just eats them alive), I'm wondering about anyone who'd actually put their face two inches away from the usually head-smashed mouse... :O

    So yes, I'd at least read a little more - assuming she had a horrible sibling who put the object-of-death on her pillow.

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  9. I'd read a bit more.

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  10. I'd be more concerned about my face being injured. Might read a little further.

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  11. I love the voice here, and agree with their sentiments.

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  12. The first sentence was a bit awkward for me. I might read on.

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  13. I'd read more. Since he's a snitch, I'm imagining he's being held down by someone he snitched on, which is why his face is so close to the mousetrap?

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  14. Consider me hooked. I gotta know why he (or she) is two inches from a mouse trap.

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  15. I'd read a bit more to see where things were going.

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  16. After such a great beginning, the "EW" is kind of a let down. Any way the character could give a not-so-obvious response? Interesting hook, even though the genre isn't my cup of tea.

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  17. I think this could easily be reworded to draw me in a little better. I wouldn't tell the reader what they'd think, I'd jump right out and say what I (as the MC) were thinking.

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  18. Not hooked by the sentence, but love the voice and the title, so would read on.

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  19. Not hooked, but might be if sentence were tightened. Work EW into it instead of saving for later.

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  20. undecided. I'd read a little more to see where it's going.

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  21. I'm no expert, but I do teach children. The question is whether an adult would keep reading, but weather a child would. Most of them would love this.

    Boys especially.

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  22. Heh. It could be tightened, but I'd read on.

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  23. Liked this:

    One thing goes through your mind when your face is two inches from a mouse trap baited with a cube of moldy cheddar.

    And expected a pay off from a nice set up.

    Ew isn't it.

    Maybe:

    I'm never eating again.
    OR
    whatever--comedy ain't my thing but hopefully you get the idea

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