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I was scrolling down, reading all of the entries and this one made me laugh out loud and snort in my coffee. Anything that makes me snort in my coffee is worth reading on! Good job :D
Not really, but it's a personal preference.
Cracked me up. Love the voice.
I'd keep reading, but one question: is "Skunkler" his nickname? I think you should find a different way to punctuate that because it's a little confusing in italics.
uh, ick. Not hooked. Stuff that turns my stomach does not make me want to turn the page.
Maybe. Either he's big or giant, not both.
I LOVE THIS! (yes I am yelling) You got me. I'm hooked. Keep going.
LIke the title. The rest... not so much.
I like this. I think you need a comma before and after Skunkler though for clarity. I would read on though, which is good because ordinarily,with a title like that, I would think this wasn't my kind of book.
love the title. hooked.
Trying a bit too hard, IMO -- doesn't compute as reality for me.
I like it! I agree that you need to something with the Skunkler, though - maybe offset with commas or Drew "Skunkler" Strunkler. :-)
I'd take off "big, giant" since douche bag is a strong enough word on its own. But I'd keep reading.
Oh yes. Only quibble: I'd scrap big in favor of giant. Might even scrap "bag" and leave it at douche; that's what the kids seem to be saying these days :)
I loved this. Humor and fun here, and I'd read on.
Not hooked. My first reaction after reading this was - if it was that obvious, and she didn't get it, how bright is she?My impression is she's a stupid mean girl with a nasty mouth. I'd rather know why Drew Strunkler was a douche bag.Perhaps tell me what he did, then call him a douche bag.
I like it. This is exactly how kids would talk. "Big giant douche bag" is probably said a million times per day. I think sometimes writers forget who the target audience is when they critique something.
this is mine and I really wanted to include the next line but only half would fit. So here it is, it gives you a little more about my MC's hostile attitude:"Like I was just some fly he could flick right off his shoulder."
Knowing the next line makes a difference for me. I'd keep reading. Still not too sure about the douche-bag thing. It is a bit jarring, but perhaps that's what you were going for. Also, do kids still use that term?
oh, yes! I agree with Laura.Skip the icky douche-bag thingy and go on with the rest. And if my kids ever talked like that, life would not be pleasant for them.change mine to 'Hooked'.
Love the title. I'd read on...
Not really hooked.
Not hooked. I don't like the nickname inserted here. I'm not sure if it would hook me without it, but it bothered me, and I didn't see anything else in the line that screamed "read me"
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