TITLE: The Book of Fate
GENRE: High Fantasy
Yes, dear reader, I know that is not the introduction to this historical text that you were expecting. The truth is, I’m not happy about having to copy it out at all. In fact, I fully intend to illuminate a giant penis in the margin halfway through.
Like this text’s hero Zachary and his nemesis, I am of the race of Donwights. I too am the mortal descendant of fallen angels. I have the potential for greatness, like our renowned hero, or infinite darkness and corruption, like his insane foe. Yet all I do is copy out their stories and never leave these wretched walls. After this copy is finally done with, this scribe is finally going to get out of here and have some fun.
THIS is the beginning.
Nicodemus, wake up! You are Chosen.
You passed out in the middle of the sentence you were writing, and I see you have trailed ink all over your page. You have also spelt ‘beginning’ incorrectly – I hope you will record this vision better than that.
Look down - do you see yourself? Your hand is writing of its own accord.
Yes, really. Your body is there recording everything you see and hear, while you - your soul, Nicodemus - is with Me, hovering above your desk, your gold leaf and coloured inks, the fluttering pages in unswept corners... my, it's a mess in here! And draughty. You really should fix that door.