Mrs. Dodger, the house matron of the boys’ dormitory, has gone missing, and Kate and her 2 friends decide to search for clues in the attic where they knew she’d recently been sneaking around. Realizing that they will need a source of light, Kate’s friends ask her to wait for them while they get some flashlights.
Without a word of explanation, the boys made their way back downstairs while Kate waited nervously by the attic door. She had begun to feel uneasy, like someone was peering at her from a dark corner. It took a lot of willpower for Kate to stay where she was until Devin and Rufus came lumbering toward her a few minutes later, flashlights in hand.
“I keep flashlights hidden in the library for unplanned emergencies,” Devin said, looking pleased with himself. “It’s a good thing I changed the batteries at the beginning of the summer.”
Kate noticed that the boys hadn’t bothered to bring a flashlight for her, but she smiled her thanks and allowed Devin to lead the way up the attic stairway. The stale heat of the upper floor was already thick in Kate’s nostrils as she climbed. It smelled of ancient dust and forgotten things, and gave Kate a weird, out-of-time feeling. She hoped their search would be over quickly.
“Creepy,” Devin said as they reached the top. “It’s like no one’s been up here for centuries.”
“Except for these,” Rufus said, shining his flashlight on a well-worn footpath in the dust on the floor. “Looks like Mrs. Dodger has been a regular visitor.”
“Let’s follow them,” Kate said, trying to sound braver than she felt. Thoughts of Mrs. Dodger lying face down on the floor were starting to crowd more rational thoughts from her mind.
The swath of tracks led through a maze of canvas-draped objects and stacks of dusty boxes. In less than two minutes, Kate and the boys had followed them to their end, which appeared to be an ancient, tattered quilt hanging on the wall by several long, slightly bent nails.
“Right,” Kate said, attempting to rub the dust out of her nose with the back of her hand. “Someone walked back here to the wall and just stopped.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Rufus said, “unless there’s something interesting in this pile here.” He gestured toward what looked like an old writing desk piled with long-forgotten ledgers and notebooks.
“That stuff hasn’t been touched in years,” Devin said. “There’s got to be something behind this blanket.”
Devin lifted the corner of the blanket, peered behind it, and then pulled the blanket back as far as it would go. There in the wall was a narrow door, slightly ajar, a skeleton key hanging limply from its keyhole.
NERVOUS TENSION
Sounds like a fun read! I felt more curious than nervous, though. Though it's pretty clear that your MC is nervous about what they might find up there. If you want us to feel her tension, you may have to show it a bit more.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think the nervousness would be more effective if it was shown more. I was more curious rather than feeling the tension, but am wondering what they'll find. ;)
ReplyDelete~Merc
I think why I feel more curiosity than nervousness is because in this selection, we don't see the ax waiting to fall if they make one wrong move. What are the stakes if they get caught? It's perfectly possible that in the preceding pages of the book that is abundantly clear, in which case this would be the payoff for that danger. But right now--yeah, curiosity. (Which isn't a bad thing!)
ReplyDeleteI think the nervous tension could be tweaked a bit--maybe by having something happen as she waits for the boys to come with the flashlights. She could hear a noise, a scratching on the other side of the door and worry about what might be skittering across the floor in the darkness.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is solid with a good sense of time and place. It struck me more like MG than YA, but feels very well written.
I like this story. Though I agree it sounds more like MG, I immediately was intrigued. I pictured the pre-teens slinking up a scary staircase and just knew there would be a secret door behind the quilt.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to read more. Good descriptions.
Thank you, I am the author of #3.
ReplyDeleteI find it difficult to discern that line between MG and YA. Lately I've been labeling the work as "Young YA" for submissions. The MC is 13 years old. The whole figuring out where it belongs thing baffles me!