TITLE: Home is a Roof over a Pig
GENRE: Adult Narrative Non-fiction
The Chinese writer Zhang Ailing said that every butterfly is a dead flower flying back to look for her lost life.
Perhaps that explains why I now found myself arriving in China, with a husband, three children, nineteen pieces of luggage, and a contract to teach at a local university. Three years before, my husband Chris and I had traveled to one of China’s poorer provinces to adopt a beautiful baby girl. We named her Grace Amelie--her middle name French like her older sister’s, her given name Grace because she was a heaven-sent gift. But as we finished up the paperwork and prepared to fly home, something nagged at me.
I had begun to feel it when we undressed her that very first time at the hotel, when we took off the layers of clothes and the rag that served as a diaper, and replaced them with the cutest outfits we had brought with us and a fresh Pampers. For I knew I was changing her. And I was changing her yet again when I gave her her first bath, put her in a high chair, and babbled to her in English. Then, when we boarded the airplane with her immigrant visa, landed her on U.S. soil, and happily told her she was an American now, even though we were giving her a family that loved her and a place to belong, still I knew I was changing her identity. And she was losing something.
Yes, the truth was, I had come to China, in part, looking for her lost life.
I enjoyed this. It could use a bit of tightening, but it flowed well. You have a nice voice. I like the concept and would definitely read on.
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ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued and would read on!!
ReplyDeleteLove the concept, love the first line, not so sure about the next paragraph. It combines and - for me - confuses two separate matters. Would it work better if the first sentence of para 2 was hoiked up to para 1?
ReplyDeleteI'd definitely want to read more but I agree this needs some tightening.
It's a bit rambling, and I don't care for the backstory explanation that starts with "Three years before." I'd cut from that sentence down to the very last, and change the last sentence to: "The truth was, I had to come to China to look for the life my adopted daughter had lost." Bam! That's intriguing and makes us start to want all that information you cut...information that should be dribbled in, in small bits, so we're constantly wanting more.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I was clear. I meant, cut OUT from that sentence to the bottom. The result would be:
ReplyDeleteThe Chinese writer Zhang Ailing said that every butterfly is a dead flower flying back to look for her lost life.
Perhaps that explains why I now found myself arriving in China, with a husband, three children, nineteen pieces of luggage, and a contract to teach at a local university. You see, I came to China to look for the life my adopted daughter had lost.
Looks bemusedly at the title***
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm mentally rewording the proverb to 'every butterfly is a dead flower searching for her lost roots'. :)
But that's just me.
This piece - it hooks me, because I love books like this. Or I love reading about culture and people searching for their lost identities and such. I would definitely read on.
That said - I think this could be tightened up a little bit, so it doesn't feel like so much crammed in at the front. You have plenty of time to show us everything. :]
I like books about mothers because I am one - so I would continue in the hopes of it being a tightly-knit, action-packed story that leads to organic self-discovery -- not a lot of bouncing around in the narrator's head -- if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI would continue with high hopes!
Not sure about this... I was distracted by the voice... it didn't seem happy which I expected the story to be by the title...
ReplyDeleteI liked this. I'd definitely read more. I like the questions you posed about identity and destiny.
ReplyDeleteI like it. I like the first line, and I like the parallel of the lost life. I would definitely read more.
ReplyDeleteI'm already wondering what the story is about - the mother, the little girl. I'm also wondering how old the kids are, what the husband will do in China, etc. etc.
Hooked!
I'm hooked. I love the title, the opening quote, the last paragraph. The second para feels a little less live, but it does give important info and didn't stop me.
ReplyDeleteNon-fiction is not really my thing, so I'll just say - Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI really like this and where it appears to be going. I'm definitely hooked.
ReplyDeleteWith that said, I think I'd set the Zhang Ailing apart and use the exact quote, then start your story about the adoption and your knowledge that with all her good intentions you knew you were changing this little life forever.
Maybe even opening with your last sentence -- "I had come to China looking for a lost life." Then delve into the sense of change the adoption brought to your daughter.
something to consider, anyway.
I'll be waiting for this book to come out.
Hmmm... I think the wording could be a bit different. I felt that there were too many details. Maybe you could start with a bit of drama, say on board the plane? That would hook me a bit better.
ReplyDeleteI love the title!
ReplyDeleteI am personally not particularly drawn to the subject matter, but that is no fault of the author.
I would warn that we see lots of memoirs about my time spent teaching in China/Japan/Korea and even with the adopted daughter angle you will have to work a little harder than most to make your submission stand out. In particular, think PLATFORM.
I loved the title.
ReplyDeleteI loved the first line. (So much, that I'm going to look up this Zhang person.)
I loved the whole thing, and I never read stuff like this.
The only thing -- there is no connection to your first line, until the last line, and that's too far apart. I'd take the advice of Kathleen MacIver in her second comment. Her suggestion works wonderfully.
My first thought was that if you were changing the baby by brining her to America - aren't you changing her older sister by bringing her to China?
ReplyDeleteI liked the writing and the subject matter - I'm a mom, and stories about moms interest me - but I'd be looking for you to speak to the issue of her older sister, unless she, too, is Chinese.