Dear Ms. Meadows,
Always Kiss Me Goodnight is an 88,000 word contemporary romance. This is a personal journey of strength, pluck, and adventure portrayed by a captivating fictional cast. Morgan Reynolds found her world stripped bare in twenty-four days. She slipped Ben’s wedding ring off. No longer the same person, she leaned over and kissed him, then turned and walked out of the room, not looking back. Waking up in a foreign land, she didn’t speak the language. The part of him that was part of her was gone. Only questions that had no answers remained. Death, guilt, passion, sex, and deceit challenge Morgan’s future.
Vulnerable and alone she opens her heart to second chance love. The love doomed from the start by a master manipulating man sparked Morgan’s fury. Trapped in the wake of a killer hurricane with no means of escape Drake Taylor's touch ignites a liquid fervor her body can’t deny. Linked by the passionate sensual fire he awakened in her she challenges his womanizing. She becomes her own rival in her quest to settle the score of a broken heart.
Morgan’s journey takes her full circle when Drake agrees to meet the other woman at the Beau Rivage casino on the Gulf coast in Biloxi, Mississippi. A touch of humor, a splash of comedy, an abundance of confidence, lots of sass and once again we find the game of love is a spine-tingling gamble with an unsuspecting grand prizewinner.
Always Kiss Me Goodnight, my first novel, is inspired by personal experiences and challenges. Thank you for reviewing my work. I'm look forward to hearing from you and would appreciate your guidance and expertise.
Sincerely,
Her heart raced, the normal rhythm now erratic, pounded in fierce uneven beats. She sucked for air, and tried to get a breath. Beads of hot, sticky perspiration drenched her clothes. Clenched fists turned her knuckles white, she grasped her trembling knees, and tears streamed down her cheeks.
The intercom speaker crackled and vibrated, a voice told her to brace. Morgan Reynolds squeezed her eyelids tight, afraid to look. Her body throbbed and pulsated with fear. She tucked her head low on her lap.
The silver jumbo jet engines were silent. The wide wings baffled by turbulence, fought to find balance. The plane buffered from side to side, then descended; slow at first, then more rapidly. Morgan glanced out the window, and dropped her face low. Treetops snapped, swiftly extinguishing the emerald green forest below them.
Wind gushed, the sound deafening, her ears rang with the shrill whistling reverberation. Morgan braced and rocked in her seat. Her arms quivered trying to hold her legs tight. She anticipated the final collision. They were about to crash. Fear gripped her; beads of sweat covered her forehead. She froze in the moment. Seized by terror she waited for impact.
The metal shrieked. The fuselage scraped and tore as they bounced up, then down. The plane swayed and pitched as it scuffled with the ground. The motion stopped. Lights went off. The plane was dark – swallowed in blackness.
*
Morgan stirred and reached for Ben. Her hand shook on his chest. She waited, trying to feel movement. Please breathe!
Not hooked, but just my opinion. Some of the writing is repetitive ('the part of him that was a part of her' stops me, as does 'the game of love is a spine-tingling game). Some parts are confusing. Like in paragraph one, do you mean she really wakes up in a foreign land or is this a metaphor? Also who is the other woman in paragraph three? I might not ask for guidance and support in the final paragraph as you do. It doesn't come across as confident.
ReplyDeleteMorgan Reynolds found her world stripped bare in twenty-four days. WHY???
ReplyDeleteShe slipped Ben’s wedding ring off. WHY???? No longer the same person, WHY??? she leaned over and kissed him, then turned and walked out of the room, not looking back. Waking up in a foreign land, WHERE??? she didn’t speak the language. The part of him that was part of her was gone. EH???? Only questions that had no answers remained. YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN... Death, guilt, passion, sex, and deceit challenge Morgan’s future. CIOMPLETELY CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT@S GOING ON...
Vulnerable and alone she opens her heart to second chance love. The love doomed from the start by a master manipulating man WHO???? WHY???sparked Morgan’s fury. THIS IS A REALLY ODD SENTENCE Trapped in the wake of a killer hurricane with no means of escape Drake Taylor's WHO HE????touch ignites a liquid fervor A WHAT????her body can’t deny. Linked by the passionate sensual fire he awakened in her she challenges his womanizing. She becomes her own rival HOW????in her quest to settle the score of a broken heart.
Sorry to use horrible shouty capitals,but I'm baffled so far..and where do the 250 words comefrom? Chapter 1? Chapter 20?
Too many unanswered questions, very confusing too.
ReplyDeleteI think it was way TMI for a query, and it didn'y explain issues at all. Very lost.
Also, a few puncuation errors.
This query confused me a bit. I saw contemporary romance, but after I few sentences I thought I was reading a romantic suspence with the sentence, "Waking up in a foreign land, she didn't speak the language." Leave out the information that this is your first novel. They don't need to know that.
ReplyDeleteQuery - I'm sorry this doesn't work for me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the snippet, I could see her husband was dead... but the query didn't convey that. I thought she just left him.
The second sentence of the query should go, it's really a turn-off. I didn't understand what was going on--is the change paranormal or a change in feelings?
ReplyDeleteOverall, you are trying way too hard to impress. Tell what it's about keeping the hype down. I glanced at your snippet, and it's also overdone, way too purple. I don't think I could survive in that intense a POV.
Like the others, not hooked.
ReplyDelete"captivating fictional cast" sounds show-offy and presumptuous.
What made Morgan's world "stripped bare?"
Is the foreign world literal or a metaphor?
The query reads short and choppy...and confusing. Tell me the conflict, show me what sets this apart from others. Cut the fluff and fancy writing (The love doomed from the start...).
Also: you mention "a touch of humor, a splash of comedy...lots of sass" but that doesn't exist *at all* in the query. The query is dark and depressing: dead husband. doomed love, other woman. Where's the funny?
Not hooked. I didn't like the sentence "This is a personal journey..." It doesn't really tell us much about the book. Still, I gave it a chance and finished that paragraph, but then when she wakes up in a foreign land, I was thoroughly confused.
ReplyDeleteSorry, not hooked. The query makes it sound like Ben is dead and Morgan may be responsible or at least glad to be free of him. The "waking up in a foreign land" bit doesn't seem to connect to anything. She walks out of the room into another relationship, and yet the partial begins with a plane crash and she's hoping Ben is alive??? It's very, very confusing.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. I didn't get past the first paragraph. I felt like it was switching between a query and the actual novel. And the sentence structure threw me off as well.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Tighten query. Include some bio info on yourself. Find a way to put your personality into the query.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I did not read the 250.
Honestly, I had a hard time getting past the phrase "a personal journey of strength, pluck, and adventure portrayed by a captivating fictional cast." Especially the "captivating" part. Anytime the author starts telling me what to think about his or her book, I figure that's because I won't be able to figure it out myself.
ReplyDeleteYour synopsis is too detailed. We don't need to know the entire story right now; pick the main plot arc and go with that, but stop (pretty far) short of the climax even with that storyline. Set up the conflict, then let the agent be so excited to discover how you resolve it that he or she has to request the manuscript.
Finally, I would ax the last sentence. You're never going to hear back from a decent percentage of the agents you query, and even if you do, they're not going to give you guidance or expertise (sometimes not even if they request your entire manuscript).
When I couldn't figure out why she's leaving, I stopped reading.
ReplyDeleteGive us at least a hint of what happened or it doesn't seem realistic.
Not hooked. The first paragraph leaves me confused. It doesn't read like a query.
ReplyDeleteWhy would she kiss him if she's going to leave him? Where did the strange land come in? Why would she open her heart when she's so vulnerable? Seems like that'd be the time to armor up.
Is Drake Taylor the second chance guy whose relationship with her is doomed? The sentence that hints at sexy parts don't indicated doomedness. Who is the other woman he agrees to meet? This is the first time the query mentions her.
This query needs to be rewritten and focused. Remember, the agent isn't in your head. This needs to be written for someone who has *no idea* what your book is about.