A blog for aspiring authors
Yes! The religious 'opposites' grabbed me because now I want to know why she's wrong for both!
YesShows a wry wit and holds the promise of an entertaining narrator. I am at a loss to see how the gender of the narrator can be discerned as per the previous critter. That baffles me.
Yes. It's clever and it has me wanting to know more. I like the wry humour.
Yes, it's a clever first line. I do wonder if it's MG enough, though.
No. Doesn't interest me. And I doubt over the MG tag. Seems a bit older feel to it.
No.Not interested and for some reason, it reads older than MG.
Yes, the wrong half of both. Love that.
Yes. I want to know what it means by wrong half for both.
Yes and yay! I feel that way about my own heritage often and definitely felt that as MG.
Yes, I like the visual it gives me and it's a timeless line. It could be an opening line for a historical or contemporary. I think many readers could relate to the tone I get in this.
No.I love what you're trying to do here but the "wrong half for both" doesn't work for me.
Yes. Love the identity angst, although I'm torn. I'm trying to remember if I had that kind of self-awareness at the age of 12.
No. The 'twelve years ago' feels like a forced way to show age. I feel like if you lost that and cut straight to 'I'm half-Jewish, half-Christian, and the wrong half for both', it would flow better and still convey your voice.
NoThis one was tough, since I like the personality you're showing, but it reads as a much older narrator and I'm confused as to what "the wrong half for both" implies in terms of a 12-year-old's world.
No.I'm not sure I understand how if you divide half of a religious person you have a right half and a wrong half, so the sentence is not making sense to me. (What would the right half be?) It also sounds more YA than MG in the first sentence.That's not to say this couldn't be a great read, it's just the first sentence here is not working for me.
No. I should probably identify with it since that's my exact upbringing, but as a result of that there's nothing unique or gripping about this to me.
Yes. I want to know what she considers the "wrong half of both."
No. 'wrong half for both' is not working for me.
Yes. I really like the "wrong half for both". I would read more for the reasoning behind why.
No. The 'wrong half for both' doesn't make sense to me, sorry.
Yes, but you might want to look for something a little more clever for the "wrong half for both". I feel like something great is here, so I would definitely keep reading, but it's not quite perfect.
Yes! I love it -- you've got a clear voice and a clear purpose behind this sentence.
YesI think anyone who grew up with 2 different cultures can identify. I don't think 12 years old is too young,for me having grown up half mennonite - half Vietnamese it's something that's always kind of "there".
Yes - gets to the conflict immediately, and you instantly care about the MC, since he/she is starting off on the wrong side of two devout religions. Good job.
Yes. Love the voice in this sentence! But, I'd suggest cutting the "Twelve years ago". It seems like a stretch to try to get the MCs age in.
No. Trying too hard, and the image doesn't quite work.
Yes-there's a lot of implied conflict. I especially like 'the wrong side of both'.
Yes, I like the cynical self-deprecating humor in the voice.
No. The concept is compelling, but the voice in this first line doesn't strike me as MG. More immediacy would have made a difference for me: "I'm half-Jewish, half-Christian, and the wrong half for both." I *did* have to read it a couple of times to make sense out of "wrong half for both." The phrase needs a slight turn... like, maybe "half-wrong for both."
YES--this sentence has such a good rhythm to it; it's a great indicator for how well-written the rest of the work would be. It's also such an intriguing scenario!
Not a vote.As an aside, you might also want to add a colon in your title. "Project: Sinners Can be Saints" if that's what you meant. On first read, I was thinking "Sinners of the project can be saints."
Yes. Like others I want to know more about the "wrong half".
YES!!! Love the voice
No.I like the way you phrased it, but it doesn't strike me as anything different. I feel like there are a lot of books with the same theme and I'd like to see more of what makes yours different. This is one of those where it isn't anything wrong as much as it's just not quite there.
Yes. It's cleverly written. That said, though, I agree with others that it reads older than a 12 yr old.
Agree with Holly. Something did seem a little off about "the wrong half for both." I like the turn of phrase you're going for, but in this instance, I don't really understand what you mean. I was with you until that point where I got confused. I think maybe if you could bring a little humor in it would also make it seem a bit more MG.Ninja Girl
No. It seems older than 12, and it immediately made my brain go off on a tangent (ie, "You can be born ethnically Jewish, but you can't be born Christian. Christian is something you become later, just like you become religiously Jewish later, and in either case, it seems like the issue is this 12-year-old's religion or lack thereof, not how she was 'born,' ..."), a phenomenon which sometimes makes me want to read on, but in this case did not.
No. I like what you are doing here. I liked the conflict but it read too old for the MC to me.
No. I don't understand what "the wrong half for both" means. Maybe you mean "the wrong half of both," but even that I find vague and confusing. I'm picturing a half-person, with no legs or something.
Yes.12 years old is when you REALLY start to question things about yourself (at least I did - religion, my family, etc.) so his/her voice is dead-on for me. I want to read more of this because I seriously identify with both the conflict AND the age.
Yes, but barely. Not sure "The wrong half for both" is in a MG voice. I'd have to see strong evidence of a MG voice in the next sentence to read on.
Yes, I liked the voice of it right away, although "the wrong half for both" was a little awkward.
No. I was almost there, but the last part of the sentence doesn't make sense.
Funny! Our MC is feeling confused and abused when it comes to religion and religious dogma and I would definitely want to read on! I think it's a good age to start questioning religion (in some religions you would be in confirmation classes around that age).
Yes! Thi is a great line, and says a lot about the character without dumping a bunch of background info. I'm definitely hooked.
No. I don't understand how someone can be "the wrong half for both." Not sure what that means.
Yes. You've given us a nice glimpse of your character in very few words.
Yes. "Wrong half for both" brings in the conflict. Short and sweet and well written.
I was going to say no but then got to the end of the sentence and it's a YES.
No. But, I think I can see what you're aiming for and I like the idea. It was just that it the last part confused me. The wrong half for both? I couldn't figure out what that meant, exactly.
Yes. The voice is strong, and that carries it for me.
Yes. I love the half-Jewish, half-Christian, and the wrong half for both. I love the concept of both religions not fitting together/pitting against each other because of their own individual belief in who Jesus is. Love! I want to read this book!
No. Tries to be too clever and falls flat. Judaism is passed down the maternal line, so you can be considered Jewish even if technically only half Jewish. So which is the "wrong" half here? And how does this apply to Christianity?
No. I just don't really understand the sentence, and what the narrator is trying to get at.
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YES, because it reminds me of ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET. I get the sense it will be about a funny mc trying to find her place in his/her family.
Yes. The last tail works for me....ala "wrong half."
yes. drawn to the voice and the promise of an mc with quirk and wit. fits the age target.
Yes. I like the voice, and can relate! I get the "wrong half" thing, and even though not all the commenters do, I think that's something that would be fairly easy to clarify in the next sentence or two, or even on the back flap of the book (depending how central it is to the plot).
No. I am not pulled in.....I had to read it over a couple of times...and the word 'was' passive. Maybe rewording the sentence would work better.
Yes. These words offer a great voice with sharp wit that should register with readers. Who doesn't feel somehow "wrong" at that age?
No.The joke isn't fresh enough. Almost sounds cliche.
Yes. I think the follow up sentence is important for setting a middle grade tone. Some kids, esp not familiar with Jewish families, might not know what to make of this.
Yes.I'm curious and I want to read more. (I would drop "twelve years ago." It sounds forced. You can work in the age later.)
Yes.I'm curious about what the "wrong half" of each is. Although, as someone pointed out, you can be born Jewish, but you can't really be born Christian. I was assuming the kid came from a family where one parent was Christian and one Jewish. I have friends like this. I'm intrigued enough to read on.