A blog for aspiring authors
YesShort and to the point and full of implication.
No. Cliche. Doesn't spark interest. It's telling.
NoI'm sure lots of children think that, doesn't mean it's true. So this lacked uniqueness for me.
No.Not a very unique opening. Maybe more specificity about why the narrator feels that way might make it more grabby.
No. It sounds like a needy teen seeking attention in a whiny way.
Yes, it makes me what to find out why. But I'm going to need a why in the next few sentences, or I'm done.
Yes. I say yes because, while this is flat and I think an opening line needs a hook, however tiny, something intriguing to pull us in, I think given that this is YA, and most every kid has felt this way at one time or another, it would have a YA wanting to read more. But I think even the smallest bit more detail/character could help here.
Yes. Normally, kids are ashamed of their parents, so I'm interested to know why it's flipped here.
Yes, why does she think that of herself.
No. Sorry. In "hooked" type opening sentences, I need more than this. It's too generic by itself.
No. Too cliche, and unless your parents are as dumb as a box of rocks or you're Jesus Christ and perfect, whose parents haven't been ashamed of them? I think I need to know why this person is any different than an average teenager.
Yes. I want to know why, this would pull me in to read more. It's a pretty desolate thing for a kid to say.
Yes.This is something I feel everyone can connect with. We've all been afraid of shaming our parents at one point or another.This sentence immediately created conflict and interest. I want to know why her parents are ashamed, if they have a right to be ashamed. I want to know if I'm ashamed of her too. I want to compare her shame with some of mine.Good job.
Yes.It's unique, I can't say I've ever read a YA novel that started with anything close to this. It leaves me wondering why this person is ashamed.
No.On the first sentence alone it doesn't hook me, perhaps if I kept reading. Not unique enough.
Yes. I struggled with a yes or no on this one. On one hand, I'm intrigued as to why the parents are ashamed so I want to read more. But I think that it might need a little bit more to it.
No.It's too generic. This would be much stronger if you give one thing that shows their embarrassment like, "My parents always make me sit at a separate table in McDonalds." Not this obviously but this kind of idea.
No. There's nothing too punchy here, and I feel like I've seen this line before.
Yes. I feel like what comes next will be what explains this thought. If the next few sentences didn't pay out I would stop, but at this point I'd keep reading.
Yes. Generic? Possibly, but it pulls me in. I want to know why.
Yes. I'm on the fence here too, but I'd say that it grabs my interest. The next few sentences better be good, though.
NoIt feels too generic. Show us an action that illustrates the parents being ashamed.
Yes, but I'd want to know why in the next sentence.
No, it is not unique enough to really grab me. I am curious as to why they are ashamed, so I'd read on for a bit.
No. There's nothing special about it. It kind of just sits there; ordinary. Tell us WHY the parents are ashamed of your character, and THEN this will be a good first line.
No.It feels whiny. Give a little more reason - how does she know this?
No. It feels too harsh and abrupt for an opening line.
No.It's short and clear. I've got an immediate sense of the problem (kid fears parents don't approve). And those are both good things. This line, though, doesn't give me enough reason to read *your* story. I need some small tease in that line that bumps it up from "typical teenage angst."More information about why they're ashamed, how they show it, what it means for the MC, or anything else to make this particular story stand out would have pulled me in.
No. If a YA thought that, I think his/her comment would be much more dramatic than simply "ashamed of me." And, most YA are ashamed of their parents. Need a reason to care about your MC other than this cliche.
No. Sounds melodramatic and implies an unreliable MC.
Yes, but just barely. It's a little plain and I'd read the next sentence or two before really deciding.
Yes...But I'm on the fence. It creates a sense of of the speaker, but it also turns me off. I don't feel sympathy, even though I probably should. Instead, it comes across as whinny. However, I think that could change with the next couple sentences and I'd be willing to give it a shot.
Yes. I'd certainly give it another couple of sentences to get an idea of why.
No. There's the potential for conflict here, but I think the way the sentence is currently written, it's too general/cliched. Even the tiniest detail would spice it up and keep me reading though!
No. Sorry, but there just isn't enough to make me care.
No. There's not enough to hook me. It seems like most kids feel this way, and so it's not unique.
No. There just wasn't enough going on. Based off just this sentence, there's nothing interesting to draw me in. No action. You're telling me his/her parents are ashamed instead of showing me and making me see/understand/feel it for myself. Granted, you can't do all that in a single sentence. But the way this one sentence is written, it gives me the impression you don't really plan to.
No. Too general. For all I know, the mc has just been chided for something as inconsequential as saying the wrong thing in public.
Yes. For at least another line, so it's a pretty wishy washy yes. There are so many things this could relate to, that it makes it a pretty weak hook. But, I'm a sucker for seeing why someone got in trouble.
Yes. Although this is a but cliche, it raises the question: Why? That's something I want to know, and I hope you go on to tell me.~Sarah F.
No-- it's a gut-wrenching feeling, and could be so much stronger with better wording.
No. It doesn't sound very original - I agree with AG above. Keep the feeling, but give it something more original.
No. It feels like lots of other openings and stories I've read before.
No, but I was on the fence. I would have read on if it had said "My parents believe I have shamed them".
Yes.The short sentence is quite powerful, and it immediately raises the question of "why". I want to read on and find out why the parents are ashamed.
No. Bummed me out too much.
No. Not enough said. Want to know why? something is missing.
No. Needs just a little something more, like "Ever since [whatever], my parents have been ashamed of me." Even just a hint.
No. Sounds whiny.
No. A little bland and cliche. Show the protagonist in a situation where his/her parents are ashamed instead.
Yes; I agree it's cliche, but it wouldn't stop me from reading.
No. There are probably lots of parents who are ashamed of their kids. I'd need a more specific reason to read on.
Yes.The sentiment cut into me, and I immediately felt for the protagonist. It didn't come across as whiny or complaining to me because it's so direct, such a flat, bald statement. I want to read on and find out why he or she says that.Maybe I'm reading the wrong books, but I've never read one that started by expressing that idea.