Wednesday, February 15, 2012

February Secret Agent #14

TITLE: Dragon Hunt
GENRE: MG Fantasy

The dragon watched from his sunning rock as the girl made her way up the hill. He shuffled his legs under him, ready to pounce, and then forced his seven foot long, brick red body to remain curled and as still as possible, but the tip of his tail still twitched as he watched her approach. “Close your eyes,” he thought to himself. “Do not give yourself away too soon.” As the dragon’s golden eyes closed, his keen ears focused on each of the girl’s foot falls. His nostrils flared as the scent of lambs and golden lilybells drifted closer. Just a few more steps and she’d be clear of the rocks. He shifted his weight forward, waited a moment more and pounced, hovering on all fours over top of her, teeth bared and then, “Boo!”
The girl squealed with surprise and began to giggle. “Naga, you silly Dragon! Have you been hiding from me again?”

Naga chortled at the precociousness of the three and a half foot tall girl looking up at him with one hand on her hip and the other clutching a bunch of golden lilybells half hidden behind her back. Of all the human children who seemed so fascinated by Val Cairn’s Watch Dragon, she was the least annoying, the least afraid, the most engaging and truly special. “Lady Gillian, I always endeavor to offer you great sport.” He stepped back and crouched to be eye to eye with the girl.



    Oh this is adorable! I love the way the dragon talks--very non-typical. Good luck!

  2. So cute! Love this take on the adorable pet dragon -- who chortles.

    My only issue is minor: sometimes you capitalize dragon, sometimes you don't (see? very minor!).

  3. This is really cute! I love that it's from the POV of the dragon. :)

  4. This begins like a very fun read. I love the attitude of the dragon, and the girl is obviously spunky and brave, so they make a great pair.

    My only nit is the dragon describing himself in so much detail. I don't think we tend to do that in reality, and since this is from his POV, it's his reality.

  5. Absolutely loved the idea of starting from the POV of the dragon and setting up a danger that was then shown to be false. I can already feel the friendship between the two and think this has the potential to be a really charming read. On a side note - as someone who STILL has not recovered from Puff the Magic Dragon, please give me a happy ending :) That is all!

  6. I agree with Generation on the idea of telling a story from the pov of the dragons. Too cool!

  7. I love this! Love the voice, love the humor, love that it is the dragon’s pov.

    More, more, more

  8. LOVE this! I'd definitely want to read more.

  9. OMG! I lurve dragons with a passion! You have an amazing writing ability and it shone remarkably with Naga's POV.

    I have two gripes: precociousness is a very big word. I would definitely remove it. I actually glazed over it because I had never seen that word before. I doubt a kid will know who Val Cairn is, so I'd change that too. Either way, I loved this!