TITLE: Tomorrow's Shadow
GENRE: YA
I knew what waited behind the curtain in exam room three. Dread coiled up inside me and made my feet heavy. Each step took a deliberate effort. Around me my classmates rushed down the hall, eager to be first or get it all over with. I envied their ignorance. They arrived one and two at a time, gasping exclamations, moaning disgust. My skin prickled. Dr. Rivers’ last minute lesson would be torture.
As if summoned by my thoughts, my teacher’s hand landed at the center of my back, propelling me those last few steps through the door and into the room. And there she was. The victim. Laid out like death’s forgotten plaything, all bruised and battered and barely alive. Left for us, a bunch of teen-aged wannabe doctors and scientists, to poke and prod and try to make sense of it all.
In the back of my mind I knew of the festering odor, heard the shuffling feet, the gagging; someone ran for the trash can. Deep in my heart it made me sick too, but I kept looking, staring. We would take her blood, put it under glass, run a thousand tests, but it wouldn’t matter. I couldn’t save her.
I wanted to forget the scene, just wipe it from my mind and pretend it never happened. Only I couldn’t. Her face was already carved into my dreams: my first living case of Shadow Disease.
“Miss Harbinger?”
The sharp sound of my name brought me back to the exam room.
Ooo I love this. Awesome. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteWow. This is quite a tease. I'd definitely read on just to find out what in the world is happening here. I'm curious what kind of school has teenagers examining bodies like this. Very gruesome. Nice descriptions. And bonus points for the awesome last name Harbinger. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing with a last name like Harbinger and students being taught with real live corpses, there is some supernatural/otherworld slant to this. It might help to make this a little more known early on. I like the set up so far but I think a little framework for the type of story would be helpful. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely hooked. I want to know what the Shadow disease is!
ReplyDeleteGreat start. The imagery is tight, and I'm definitely interested to learn what school has teens doing autopsies. I'm especially grabbed by the throw away line of not being able to save her. It's tucked so neatly away, you know that its going to be important. By the end, we still don't know the MC's first name, so that's something to consider, but her last name, especially given dealing with death, is solid. Good job. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteThis is great, tremendous voice and scene. Except if it's her first case, how does she know what't behind the curtain when the others don't? And why wouldn't they know if they're students? Wouldn't they be prepped for this? How could they all want to be first? These questions take me out of the narrative a little, but I still love this and would definitely keep reading.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely need more of a tag than YA. Love the description though! :)
ReplyDeleteI am rather intrigued by this snippet. Shadow Disease? I would definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteWhy is the minute last minute? Do we find that out later? Does it matter? That's the only real question I had about it so far!
Hooked. Really enjoyed this one and would definitely read more. I'm curious as to what type of YA this is going to be.
ReplyDeleteTo the many questions as to genre: it's part mystery, part thriller, part romance, a little sci-fi, and a little super-natural, all rolled into one. So, I guess that makes it hard for me to pick just one.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the nice comments. :)
The excerpt had a dystopian feel to it. I formed this impression because there are teenagers studying to become doctors, and having access to "real" patients. (Even in countries -like the UK and Aust- which have their medical school intake straight from high school, the students tend to not see living patients until the fourth year of study, taking them to their early 20's). So it suggests that young people have had to step up and assume adult roles.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot to like here. I like how the writer introduced and described Shadow Disease, and the vrious responses to it. I'd read on.
Interesting premise but I didn’t connect with the main character. I was uncertain what she was telling us. Had she seen this person before? Did she know someone else with the disease? She envies her classmates’ ignorance but it is her “first living case of Shadow Disease”.
ReplyDelete