No - I am so on-the-fence with this one. I don't read a lot of novels in verse, but the few I have read have had to just grab me with those first few lines to hook me, and I'm afraid I'm not with this one.
The vagueness doesn't make me want to read more. I get a sense that the narrator is lost in his/her own head a lot and that wouldn't make me want to get to know them better.
Yes, tentatively. I love novels in verse so I see what this is trying to do here. It's tough but if the opening could be just a little less introspective and more hooky, it'd be better.
No, but man did I want to just love it. I'm really excited that you're doing something different. I think you need to push yourself to move away from the list of mirrors/locations and instead give us a really strong image that can tie into the concept. Maybe ... what the character sees in the mirrors? And how that differs from what the character sees in herself/himself? Or something along those lines... I think you get lost in the vague list when you really need a strong, evocative image that will just SELL it to the reader. But kudos to you for stepping out of the box!
Yes - While I agree with CJ that more could be done to make the following lines stronger, technically speaking, I did want to read more. If two pages continued this way I may lose interest unless something more substantial happened.
No. This didn't grab me in the initial rounds, but I didn't post to say "no" there because I did actually wonder what followed and I knew that whether this one hooked me would depend on the following line.
"Life is Mirrors" sounds too cliched to hook me on its own.
Unfortunately,this still doesn't go anywhere interesting enough to keep me reading - partly because it's a novel in verse. For a novel in verse to hook me in, the prose has to POP from the get-go. I've now read five lines, and all I hear is redundant echoes. The author is clearly trying to set up a resonance, but it's possible to do that with verse that advances the story much faster. That's even more important where the target audience is YA. Kids don't read verse the way they (we) did a generation ago. It bores them unless it really pops. Unfortunately, this just doesn't give enough content and movement to make me interested in reading more.
Yes / Maybe - I really like the combination of your first line and the title. I have the impression of someone being hunted, hyper aware of all the eyes that could be on them. As some of the other posts note, it leans more towards the side of being vague than setting up a person / place /situation. I was intrigued, though and would keep reading.
Yes / Maybe - I really like the combination of your first line and the title. I have the impression of someone being hunted, hyper aware of all the eyes that could be on them. As some of the other posts note, it leans more towards the side of being vague than setting up a person / place /situation. I was intrigued, though and would keep reading.
No. I don't mind that it's like poetry because it's a novel in verse, after all. But I need some reason to understand what the mirrors mean to her. I just don't quite get what's going on :)
No, sorry. I'm assuming our MC sees the reflection of herself in others, who she is according to them, but the verse is too slow-paced for me. A poem would work, but not a complete novel.
Sorry this is late, but I just read First Line grabbers and I really wanted to write to this verse writer.
I also agree w/ CJ, but I need the 2nd line to show me why the MC's life is mirrors. That 1st line is telling so the next line you need to show us. I need to hear the voice. Give the reader a picture that they can see. Give insight, give feelings.
I write verse also. It is difficult to write because every word counts. Every word has to be the best word. Don't give up! I love reading verse novels & I analyzing the books. Here's some great authors of verse & their books: Ellen Hopkins-all of her books, Lisa Schroeder- almost all are verse, Helen Frost-I think all of her books are verse, Jennifer Roy-Yellow Star, Ann E. Burg-All the Broken Pieces, Carol Lynch Williams-Glimpse, Karen Hesse-Out of the Dust, Witness & Aleutian Sparrow, Holly Thompson-Orchards & Thanhha Lai-Inside Out and Back Again. Many of the books/authors I've mentioned are award winners. Read some of these books & then go back and revise your MS.
Good luck! Also, if you're not in a critique group, then get it one. Yor local SCBWI (Society of Children's Books, Writers & Illustrators) group can help you with that. Go to scbwi.org. I also reccommend you to read poetry books. I hope you don't mind that I bombarded you with so much info. I just want to help you. Keep writing!
No.
ReplyDeleteI was really excited about this one. But with the next couple lines, I am not sold. It's vaugue. And I don't get the capitalizations on "my"
It's like poetry. :-/
No - I am so on-the-fence with this one. I don't read a lot of novels in verse, but the few I have read have had to just grab me with those first few lines to hook me, and I'm afraid I'm not with this one.
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteThe vagueness doesn't make me want to read more. I get a sense that the narrator is lost in his/her own head a lot and that wouldn't make me want to get to know them better.
No. I can see what you're going for, and I know the feeling you're talking about, but I'm not grabbed.
ReplyDeleteYes, tentatively. I love novels in verse so I see what this is trying to do here. It's tough but if the opening could be just a little less introspective and more hooky, it'd be better.
ReplyDeleteNo, but man did I want to just love it. I'm really excited that you're doing something different. I think you need to push yourself to move away from the list of mirrors/locations and instead give us a really strong image that can tie into the concept. Maybe ... what the character sees in the mirrors? And how that differs from what the character sees in herself/himself? Or something along those lines... I think you get lost in the vague list when you really need a strong, evocative image that will just SELL it to the reader. But kudos to you for stepping out of the box!
ReplyDeleteNo, and this could only be my opinion, but I like stories to be more straight-forward.
ReplyDeleteYes - While I agree with CJ that more could be done to make the following lines stronger, technically speaking, I did want to read more. If two pages continued this way I may lose interest unless something more substantial happened.
ReplyDeleteNo. I wanted to see why life is mirrors, not a list of the mirrors.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteThis unusual sentence structure pulls me into the story.
No. This didn't grab me in the initial rounds, but I didn't post to say "no" there because I did actually wonder what followed and I knew that whether this one hooked me would depend on the following line.
ReplyDelete"Life is Mirrors" sounds too cliched to hook me on its own.
Unfortunately,this still doesn't go anywhere interesting enough to keep me reading - partly because it's a novel in verse. For a novel in verse to hook me in, the prose has to POP from the get-go. I've now read five lines, and all I hear is redundant echoes. The author is clearly trying to set up a resonance, but it's possible to do that with verse that advances the story much faster. That's even more important where the target audience is YA. Kids don't read verse the way they (we) did a generation ago. It bores them unless it really pops. Unfortunately, this just doesn't give enough content and movement to make me interested in reading more.
Yes / Maybe - I really like the combination of your first line and the title. I have the impression of someone being hunted, hyper aware of all the eyes that could be on them. As some of the other posts note, it leans more towards the side of being vague than setting up a person / place /situation. I was intrigued, though and would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteYes / Maybe - I really like the combination of your first line and the title. I have the impression of someone being hunted, hyper aware of all the eyes that could be on them. As some of the other posts note, it leans more towards the side of being vague than setting up a person / place /situation. I was intrigued, though and would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'm intrigued. And I love the originality.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't mind that it's like poetry because it's a novel in verse, after all. But I need some reason to understand what the mirrors mean to her. I just don't quite get what's going on :)
ReplyDeleteNo, sorry. I'm assuming our MC sees the reflection of herself in others, who she is according to them, but the verse is too slow-paced for me. A poem would work, but not a complete novel.
ReplyDeleteSorry this is late, but I just read First Line grabbers and I really wanted to write to this verse writer.
ReplyDeleteI also agree w/ CJ, but I need the 2nd line to show me why the MC's life is mirrors. That 1st line is telling so the next line you need to show us. I need to hear the voice. Give the reader a picture that they can see. Give insight, give feelings.
I write verse also. It is difficult to write because every word counts. Every word has to be the best word. Don't give up! I love reading verse novels & I analyzing the books. Here's some great authors of verse & their books: Ellen Hopkins-all of her books, Lisa Schroeder- almost all are verse, Helen Frost-I think all of her books are verse, Jennifer Roy-Yellow Star, Ann E. Burg-All the Broken Pieces, Carol Lynch Williams-Glimpse, Karen Hesse-Out of the Dust, Witness & Aleutian Sparrow, Holly Thompson-Orchards & Thanhha Lai-Inside Out and Back Again. Many of the books/authors I've mentioned are award winners. Read some of these books & then go back and revise your MS.
Good luck! Also, if you're not in a critique group, then get it one. Yor local SCBWI (Society of Children's Books, Writers & Illustrators) group can help you with that. Go to scbwi.org. I also reccommend you to read poetry books. I hope you don't mind that I bombarded you with so much info. I just want to help you. Keep writing!