TITLE: LAST YEAR'S MISTAKE
GENRE: YA Contemporary Romance
If I had to see a ghost, I guess the first day of school was as good a time as any.
Not that he was really a ghost, but he might as well have been. I’d buried him with a chapter of my life that ended long ago. Or so I thought.
The first day of my senior year of high school started off normal enough. My mother made pancakes for my sister and me, the same as she did every first day of school.
“Problem, Kelsey?” Miranda asked as she caught me eyeing her plate.
“Want some pancakes with your butter and syrup?” My eyes narrowed as the shimmery, sun kissed glow on her freckled cheeks distracted me from the pool of toxic waste in her dish. “Are you wearing my bronzer?”
Miranda ignored the question and nodded toward the Band-aid wrapped around my pointer finger. “What’d you do to your finger?”
“Burned it on my flat iron. Now go get my bronzer and put it back in my room.”
She scrunched up her nose and made her voice as sour and prissy as possible. “Ooh, Kelsey’s so great because she uses a flat iron and bronzer now.”
It took everything I had not to lunge across the table and yank her forever-disheveled, honey colored hair. It was the same color mine had been before I'd kicked it up a notch with some platinum blonde highlights. Never, though, had I let mine look like a tornado had taken up residence on my head.
Amazing first line! Great character background and development in just one page!
ReplyDelete(And, as a lucky, lucky CP, I guarantee - it only gets better and better from here.)
GO LYM GO!!!
I really love those first two lines! Consider me intrigued. I really like the character voice you're using for this.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to consider jumping into the action a bit more and backing off the description. I was so intrigued by the first line. Who is this guy? Why does she fear seeing him?
ReplyDeleteThen, it disappeared into descriptions of the pancakes and their looks. Pretty prose, but it didn't capture me like the first few lines.
The first line is SO good, and the voice here is amazing--and as a CP, I know the book just gets better from here!
ReplyDeleteThis is the best!!!! A winner for sure :D I'm feeling a re-read YAY
ReplyDeleteOh LYM *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI love the Kelsey and Miranda's sisterly rivalry in this, so much <3
This is a strong opening. The pacing feels right. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI, too, was really into the first line then it wasn't addressed. Great line!
ReplyDeleteOoo, these sisters do not like each other. Very interesting first page.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great first line! And the voice is AWESOME. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI was waiting for the "ghost". Love the voice and sisterly love. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI grew up with two sisters, and I felt like a teenager again! I love it!
ReplyDeleteGreat beginning. Love the mention of the ghost and then the contradiction, “…not really....” Sets up the voice nicely. Also, the rivalry between the two sisters and the way you added details to show she clearly has reinvented herself are well done.
ReplyDeleteYou have also left the reader with good reason to read on. Who is the boy? Is her going to spoil her reinvention? Good job, I’d read more.