Wednesday, April 9, 2014

First Line Grabber #2

TITLE: The Swinging Tree
GENRE: Speculative Fiction

In the shadow of a crumbling crooked building sits the Swinging Tree.

48 comments:

  1. YES. I love the imagery here, and I'm intrigued to see what comes next.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. I would love to know the stories the Swinging Tree has to tell.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes. This is poetic and feels monumental. I get a sense that the Swinging Tree has a long, dark history, and I want to know more, including who your (seemingly peaceful) narrator is and what significance the Swinging Tree has for him/her.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. I want to know about the swinging tree.

    ReplyDelete
  5. yes. i want to know what the swinging tree is.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes! I would love to know more. It sounds so dark and mysterious.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes! Great voice and you've pulled me in and made me want to know more

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes - it may not get much into the story, or be a huge hook, but it feels competently written and like the author's going to get to the point quickly.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes - so this swinging tree...what is it? Do people swing on it? Do people swing from it like a gallows? Does it swing? I'm intrigued.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes. Beautiful wording and I'm SO intrigued by the purpose of, and what exactly is, the "Swinging Tree."

    ReplyDelete
  12. No. "Crumbling crooked" threw me. If it was "crooked, crumbling" then I could see it. But the way you have it I think you mean the building is crumbling in a crooked fashion, which is weird. Also, "sits" isn't a word I associate with trees, and the fact that it's paired with "Swinging" throws off the impression. I'm half thinking the tree is sitting in a swing, or something.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't wait to read what this entails. What mysteries and hidden tales will be revealed. ........

    ReplyDelete
  14. This sounds very intriguing. ...like a fly on the wall what truths will be revealed?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes. Nice voice, and I'm intrigued by the tree. There should be a comma between crumbling and crooked, but that's a minor fix and doesn't take away from the beautiful sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yes . I cant wait to read what this entails.What mysteries and hidden tales will be revealed???

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes. This sounds very intriguing.Like a fly on the wall what truths will be revealed? ?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes, but I agree with Leah about the "sits." I like the simplicity of this opener.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yes.

    But tentatively. It's a bit too lyrical for me, and i honestly wondered if it was supposed to be a picture book

    ReplyDelete
  20. No, but it's close. This has a pretty lyricism, but if you do that, for me, it has to be perfect, and this stumbles a little at the very start.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yes, but the next lines need to really get me. I was on the fence but the imagery pushed me to a yes.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yes, I like the imagery of the shadow and the crooked building. But, what really piques my interest is the Swinging Tree. It's a fabulous name!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yes-I want to know why there is a crumbling crooked building and what the Swinging tree is.

    ReplyDelete
  24. No - but close. Intriguing but I tend to prefer a character to lure me into the story - so maybe that's just me :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yes- but I need some stakes...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yes. because the image here seems interestingly grim. However, if we don't get to something with character or scene soon I'll quickly lose interest.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Yes. There's a bit of an ominous feel and I'm intrigued.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yes. It raises a question in the reader's mind and the language is evocative. I'd cut either crumbling or crooked. Less is more.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yes.
    I like the imagery of the crumbling building and the Swinging Tree. I’d definitely read on.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Yes. Captured my attention. It sounds like we are going to a dark place.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Yes! Another creepy one! Definitely want to know why this tree is important.

    ReplyDelete
  32. No. Nearly. I'm intrigued by the Swinging Tree, but the crumbling crooked building seemed overdone and didn't flow for me.

    ReplyDelete
  33. No - An almost for me. Why is a tree sitting? Passive. I do like the concept of a swinging tree and am curious what will happen with it, but just not quite enough to be pulled in.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Yes. Aside from the grammar error, this image intrigued me. I immediately thought of a hanging tree, like in the old west. It also could be a tree with a swing for kids to play on. The sentence is just peculiar enough, and spooky enough to draw me on.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yes. Though the imagery is pretty abstract, the poetry in this makes it intriguing. I would read on to see where this goes, and in the hope that perhaps the language throughout the book is poetic and lyrical.

    ReplyDelete
  36. No. Mainly because the title of the story is The Swinging Tree. This sounds more of what I would read on the back cover, not an opening sentence to a story.

    It just didn't grab me, and that's the whole purpose of this particular critique, right?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Yes. I'll say yes because I want to know what the swinging tree is.

    ReplyDelete
  38. No.

    For some reason, the fact that the tree 'sits' bugs me, (can't say why.) And it's a tree, and I'm guessing your story really isn't about the tree, because how interesting would that be?

    Now, if someone had been hanging from the swinging tree, or even swinging or sitting beneath it, that would be another story.

    ReplyDelete
  39. No. It's nice imagery, but I have nothing to connect to but a tree. I need a character or an emotion or something to push me to read forward. A tree, regardless of how amazing a tree it may be, doesn't pull me in.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Yes. Though I did notice the need for a comma between crumbling and crooked, it is indeed an easy fix. The use of sits for the tree didn't throw me out of the story, but did give me the feeling of the tree being either dead or dying. This has a de Maurier feel to it, for instance "Jamaica Inn." Good luck with it.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Yes. Given the genre, it fits. Has a little bit of whimsy.

    ReplyDelete
  42. don't hate meApril 10, 2014 at 7:47 PM

    No. It reads young to me. And it needs a comma. I also think of trees as standing rather than sitting - unless this is fantasy.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yes. The Swinging Tree sounds like an awesome place to hang out for a couple hundred pages ;)

    ...would be better without the alliteration in the middle though, unless it fits the tone of your book. Alliteration always sets a bit of a silly tone to me.

    ReplyDelete
  44. YES it grabbed me for its poetic imagery! I want to know what happens next. Why is the tree next to crooked building? Why is the building crooked? MRS N

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yes! Love the imagery! Can't wait to read more!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Yes. I also like the lyrical writing and the scene is intriguing - but it needs to move into the story FAST.

    ReplyDelete