Miss Snark's First Victim
YES. I love the imagery here, and I'm intrigued to see what comes next.
Yes. I would love to know the stories the Swinging Tree has to tell.
Yes. This is poetic and feels monumental. I get a sense that the Swinging Tree has a long, dark history, and I want to know more, including who your (seemingly peaceful) narrator is and what significance the Swinging Tree has for him/her.
Yes. I want to know about the swinging tree.
yes. i want to know what the swinging tree is.
Yes! I would love to know more. It sounds so dark and mysterious.
Yes! Great voice and you've pulled me in and made me want to know more
Yes - it may not get much into the story, or be a huge hook, but it feels competently written and like the author's going to get to the point quickly.
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Yes - so this swinging tree...what is it? Do people swing on it? Do people swing from it like a gallows? Does it swing? I'm intrigued.
Yes. Lovely imagery.
Yes. Beautiful wording and I'm SO intrigued by the purpose of, and what exactly is, the "Swinging Tree."
No. "Crumbling crooked" threw me. If it was "crooked, crumbling" then I could see it. But the way you have it I think you mean the building is crumbling in a crooked fashion, which is weird. Also, "sits" isn't a word I associate with trees, and the fact that it's paired with "Swinging" throws off the impression. I'm half thinking the tree is sitting in a swing, or something.
I can't wait to read what this entails. What mysteries and hidden tales will be revealed. ........
This sounds very intriguing. ...like a fly on the wall what truths will be revealed?
Yes. Nice voice, and I'm intrigued by the tree. There should be a comma between crumbling and crooked, but that's a minor fix and doesn't take away from the beautiful sentence.
Yes . I cant wait to read what this entails.What mysteries and hidden tales will be revealed???
Yes. This sounds very intriguing.Like a fly on the wall what truths will be revealed? ?
Yes, but I agree with Leah about the "sits." I like the simplicity of this opener.
Yes.But tentatively. It's a bit too lyrical for me, and i honestly wondered if it was supposed to be a picture book
No, but it's close. This has a pretty lyricism, but if you do that, for me, it has to be perfect, and this stumbles a little at the very start.
Yes, but the next lines need to really get me. I was on the fence but the imagery pushed me to a yes.
Yes, I like the imagery of the shadow and the crooked building. But, what really piques my interest is the Swinging Tree. It's a fabulous name!
Yes-I want to know why there is a crumbling crooked building and what the Swinging tree is.
No - but close. Intriguing but I tend to prefer a character to lure me into the story - so maybe that's just me :)
Yes- but I need some stakes...
Yes. because the image here seems interestingly grim. However, if we don't get to something with character or scene soon I'll quickly lose interest.
Yes. Love the imagery.
Yes. There's a bit of an ominous feel and I'm intrigued.
Yes. It raises a question in the reader's mind and the language is evocative. I'd cut either crumbling or crooked. Less is more.
Yes.I like the imagery of the crumbling building and the Swinging Tree. I’d definitely read on.
Yes. Captured my attention. It sounds like we are going to a dark place.
Yes! Another creepy one! Definitely want to know why this tree is important.
No. Nearly. I'm intrigued by the Swinging Tree, but the crumbling crooked building seemed overdone and didn't flow for me.
No - An almost for me. Why is a tree sitting? Passive. I do like the concept of a swinging tree and am curious what will happen with it, but just not quite enough to be pulled in.
Yes. Aside from the grammar error, this image intrigued me. I immediately thought of a hanging tree, like in the old west. It also could be a tree with a swing for kids to play on. The sentence is just peculiar enough, and spooky enough to draw me on.
Yes. Though the imagery is pretty abstract, the poetry in this makes it intriguing. I would read on to see where this goes, and in the hope that perhaps the language throughout the book is poetic and lyrical.
No. Mainly because the title of the story is The Swinging Tree. This sounds more of what I would read on the back cover, not an opening sentence to a story. It just didn't grab me, and that's the whole purpose of this particular critique, right?
Yes. I'll say yes because I want to know what the swinging tree is.
No.For some reason, the fact that the tree 'sits' bugs me, (can't say why.) And it's a tree, and I'm guessing your story really isn't about the tree, because how interesting would that be?Now, if someone had been hanging from the swinging tree, or even swinging or sitting beneath it, that would be another story.
No. It's nice imagery, but I have nothing to connect to but a tree. I need a character or an emotion or something to push me to read forward. A tree, regardless of how amazing a tree it may be, doesn't pull me in.
Yes. Though I did notice the need for a comma between crumbling and crooked, it is indeed an easy fix. The use of sits for the tree didn't throw me out of the story, but did give me the feeling of the tree being either dead or dying. This has a de Maurier feel to it, for instance "Jamaica Inn." Good luck with it.
Yes. Given the genre, it fits. Has a little bit of whimsy.
No. It reads young to me. And it needs a comma. I also think of trees as standing rather than sitting - unless this is fantasy.
Yes. The Swinging Tree sounds like an awesome place to hang out for a couple hundred pages ;)...would be better without the alliteration in the middle though, unless it fits the tone of your book. Alliteration always sets a bit of a silly tone to me.
YES it grabbed me for its poetic imagery! I want to know what happens next. Why is the tree next to crooked building? Why is the building crooked? MRS N
Yes! Love the imagery! Can't wait to read more!!
Yes. I also like the lyrical writing and the scene is intriguing - but it needs to move into the story FAST.
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