Tuesday, April 15, 2014

First Line Grabber Round 2 #7

TITLE: The Day I Ruled the World
GENRE: MG Fantasy

Spying is rude, and I would never, never do it. Not without a good reason, like needing to know if my parents suspected I'd been practicing spells in secret.

For Snooper's Delight, I needed a mirror, some magic, and little privacy.


  1. I still like it and would keep reading. - It's the kid logic I love.

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  3. Funny and cute--what a great combo!
    However, I would change the first sentence to "never, ever do it."

    And I would totally keep reading!

  4. I also like the kid logic and how it sounds like a MG kid talking. BTW, it would be good to know if the 'I' is a boy or girl.

    Though I'd like a word or two more info on 'Snooper's Delight', I like the mystery of the piece.

  5. I would for sure read on! I love the voice, and you've hinted at plenty of upcoming mischief.

  6. This is just a grammar nitpick. I suspect you want to put an "a" in front of "little privacy", otherwise it means the opposite of privacy.

    This isn't my sort of story, but the writing definitely has good flow to keep pulling a reader along.

  7. The voice is very MG! Spying doesn't take a spell, though, so the third line made me stop for a nano-second to figure out if it referred to spying on the parents.

    You might consider putting "anyway" after "not without a good reason, since the MC just said never.

    Sounds like a fun read!