No. But only because I think the sentence isn't powerful as worded. The idea is awesome. But being told what the MC won't do isn't that exciting. I know it should hint that he will, obviously, but it doesn't do that adequately.
(Now if the plot would allow for it, "Spying is rude, and I would never, never do it [again]." would ROCK.)
No. I like the idea, but the sentence needs a little twist to turn it into something more interesting. I liked the tone of it, the voice is interesting, but I want more of a sense that the narrator is going to break that rule.
As it reads now, it feels like we're going to get a lecture on why spying is bad.
Yes. That as a first statement shows us that the narrator will break a personal rule, and characters acting contrary to their moral code makes for interesting books.
Love this. Love the voice, love the choice of "never, never" as opposed to "ever". Love the immediate unreliable narrator. To me it's clear that it's set up to be a rule break. Great job.
No - The character seems snobish. Unless the next sentence is something like, "Except this one time..." then it's probably not a character I'm going to enjoy.
The voice immediately strikes me as middle grade, and I just know this kid certainly is going to spy and probably get in a bunch of trouble by doing so.
No. I'd be a heck of a lot more interested in a character who thinks spying is fun/dangerous/etc. Feels like the set-up of a prim & proper passive character.
No. Same reasons Leah gives. Also, sets up the character to be hypocritical in an unappealing way. You could recover from this one, but you'd have to work pretty hard.
YES. This is so adorable. And I love spying characters.
ReplyDeleteYes. I like how you use the characters voice to imply what's going to happen next in a cute way.
ReplyDeleteYes. Great voice. Love how the character says one thing but as the reader, I just know he or she is going to do the opposite.
ReplyDeleteYes. This one line has so much intrigue and sets us up for so much to come.
ReplyDeleteYes. I want to know why this character thinks this and why they have to tell us they wouldn't spy. Are they being asked to spy? I want to read on.
ReplyDeleteNo. But only because I think the sentence isn't powerful as worded. The idea is awesome. But being told what the MC won't do isn't that exciting. I know it should hint that he will, obviously, but it doesn't do that adequately.
ReplyDelete(Now if the plot would allow for it, "Spying is rude, and I would never, never do it [again]." would ROCK.)
No. I like the idea, but the sentence needs a little twist to turn it into something more interesting. I liked the tone of it, the voice is interesting, but I want more of a sense that the narrator is going to break that rule.
ReplyDeleteAs it reads now, it feels like we're going to get a lecture on why spying is bad.
No. But this is REALLY close for me, for the same reason Leah Petersen mentioned.
ReplyDeleteYes. That as a first statement shows us that the narrator will break a personal rule, and characters acting contrary to their moral code makes for interesting books.
ReplyDeleteYes, but hesitantly. This has the potential to lead somewhere interesting, but could also be the start of someone being preachy.
ReplyDeleteYes. This has a perfect MG voice to me, and implies conflict in the near future.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Love the voice, love the choice of "never, never" as opposed to "ever". Love the immediate unreliable narrator. To me it's clear that it's set up to be a rule break. Great job.
No, but really close. I like spy characters. I liked the idea. It just didn't seem like a punchy enough opener for same reasons as Leah.
ReplyDeleteYes. Needs some tweaking, but the idea is just so cute!
ReplyDeleteNo - The character seems snobish. Unless the next sentence is something like, "Except this one time..." then it's probably not a character I'm going to enjoy.
ReplyDeleteYes, because I don't believe her.
ReplyDeleteYes-Great voice and I can see the humor coming.
ReplyDeleteYes, I really like the voice and I'm willing to read on and see if she's about to start spying.
ReplyDeleteYes
ReplyDelete-but just barely. And only becuase I'm assuming that he plans to break this rule immediately.
Yes.
ReplyDeleteMade me laugh! The statement of opinion gives it voice, and I expect very quickly for the character to be caught in an awkward position.
Yes, but only just. I'd read the next line, but it would need a lot more content for me to keep going after that.
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ReplyDeleteYes. Because never say never, right?
ReplyDeleteYes. It's about the protagonist and it's an interesting characteristic. The fact that it might be facetious also makes it strong.
ReplyDeleteYes. Because it feels like the next sentence is going to start with a "But..." and lead right into some action.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice and the introduction to the character.
No- it needs a twist to really catch me- well almost never.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am intrigued to mer this character with "attitude."
ReplyDeleteNo. I agree that it needs more. Just adding the word "again" as one commenter noted, would make it more interesting.
ReplyDeleteYes. Great set up and voice.
ReplyDeleteYes - I like the implied irony. I would hope what follows explains more though.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think this person's lying. I want to know if she/he is.
ReplyDeleteYes. There's a great tongue-in-cheek quality to it. I can see the MC saying this to someone and praying the other person won't catch the lie.
ReplyDeleteYes. Because I know Miss or Mr Prissy is gonna spy!
ReplyDeleteYes. Because I'm guessing the next line is going to be 'Except when...' :)
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteThe voice immediately strikes me as middle grade, and I just know this kid certainly is going to spy and probably get in a bunch of trouble by doing so.
Yep!
ReplyDeletePromise of fun to come!
No. I'd be a heck of a lot more interested in a character who thinks spying is fun/dangerous/etc. Feels like the set-up of a prim & proper passive character.
ReplyDeleteYes - Great voice and I think this character is protesting just a little too much.
ReplyDeleteNo. Same reasons Leah gives. Also, sets up the character to be hypocritical in an unappealing way. You could recover from this one, but you'd have to work pretty hard.
ReplyDeleteNo. You know the kid is going to spy and have no idea what it would be about.
ReplyDelete