Thursday, June 27, 2013

First Sentence #11

TITLE: Through Thick and Thicker
GENRE: Commercial Literary/Book Club

Human sacrifice has an upside, doesn’t it?



51 comments:

  1. YES.

    I'm hooked by the human sacrifice bit and question seeming aimed at the reader

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  2. Yes. I like the uncertainty and got me curious as to what would make someone ask that question.

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  3. No, because I think the answer to the question is no. Also, the description of contemporary/book club seemed odd and unprofessional.

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  4. No. I'm not a fan of opening with a rhetorical question to the reader.

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  5. No.

    Not a huge fan of starting a book with a question. My immediate reaction was "uhh... no?" which is probably not the reaction you wanted. Why not just change it to a statement? "Human sacrifice has an upside." <-- Now THAT I'd keep reading. There's a lot of punch, and I'd want to know what kind of person would believe this, and what they thought the upside was.

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  6. Yes, it made me laugh out loud. Although I do agree that it would be stronger as a statement. But I would still read on with the question.

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  7. Yes - but I agree with the above, it's stronger as a statement (if that fits your MC's personality anyway?)

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  8. Yes. But I'm on the fence, and whether or not I fall off is dependent on the next few sentences.

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  9. No. I agree that it's better as a statement, but I wouldn't want to read about someone with that viewpoint. I'm just squeamish that way.

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  10. No. I'm not sure I like the fact that it's a question.

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  11. Going to say no - for some of the reasons mentioned above (starting w rhetorical Q for which the answer is likely 'no') - and then add that it's a fun snappy sentence that would, in another place, make a great dialogue line, perhaps in aid of a character introduction.

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  12. No. Sounds like a sermon coming.

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  13. Yes. Awesome opening. Great hook. :)

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  14. No. I went back and forth on this one, but it was the rhetorical question that killed it for me in the end. It would have been yes if it was a statement.

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  15. No. But I agree that I'd keep reading if it were a statement.

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  16. Yes, but....It's intriguing--human sacrifice? Sure!--but I think it could be more effective with a little more in that sentence, such as "Human sacrifice has an upside: it...."

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  17. No. The concept is great, but I think it would be stronger as a statement, not a question. Because if the reader's answer is no, then there's not much reason to move forward.

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  18. Yes. I don't see how it fits into the Book Club category, but the question's unique and intriguing. I want to know more.

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  19. No - the voice doesn't draw me in, though it's probably more personal preference.

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  20. Yes. Excellent hook -- clear voice here, a weirdly sympathetic voice contrasted against a deeply unsympathetic comment. I'd be interested to see where this is going.

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  21. Hmm. I'm not sure. Maybe? I'm curious about what the upside might be, but I don't know if I want to read something about human sacrifice.

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  22. No.

    I don't love that it starts with a question.

    Also, this has nothing to do with the first line, but I'm confused by the genre.

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  23. Works for me. Asking a question first speaks volumes about a character, and when you add in a very controversial subject, I find it intriguing.

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  24. I don't know, does it? I can't think of one.

    Uh, yeah. This one grabbed me. :D

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  25. Yes. I'm intrigued. That's a tough question to answer - even if it's rhetorical because you know your reader will begin forming an answer in her mind.

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  26. Yes, I love it. In the form of a question you just know that it will be followed by laughs. I'll definitely read the book!

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  27. Yes! My curiosity is piqued. Who is this narrator? What's the story going to be about? I want to read more.

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  28. Yes. I think I have a weird sense of humor and this fits with my particular brand of funny.

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  29. Yes. I laughed. So maybe that makes me morbid, but i instantly want to know what is going on.

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  30. Yes, it's titillating. Plus I love the title.

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  31. Yes
    Intrigued right away!

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  32. YES. I want to know what the upside is. And it sounds wonderfully twisted. :)

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  33. Yes! Though I'm surprised it's commercial fiction. I hadn't seen that at first and I wonder now if it would play differently for me if I had.

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  34. Yes and like SStokes said, wonderfully twisted.

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  35. Yes! It has me looking forward to the mystery and laughs to follow.

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  36. I'd definitely read further. Good job. (I'm a bit morbid that way. Hehehe.)

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  37. No--the concept of human sacrifice (no matter how you read it) is intriguing, but I don't believe that what's I'm going to get. I feel like the sentence will be followed with the MC chatting away to the reader.

    Where is the MC? Who is the MC? What is the context behind this comment? Is he out in the woods, making a human sacrifice to the devil, or is he lying on the battlefield after a buddy just died to save him? The sentence gives me no clue.

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  38. Yes. This question makes me want to read on.

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  39. No. Mostly because this doesn't sound like my kind of book right off the bat. But it also doesn't really intrigue me...I can answer "no" to the that question and put the book down.

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  40. Yes! I'm curious about the type of human sacrifice mentioned. Is it spilling blood on an altar, or the realistic kind of sacrifice that humans make for loved ones - especially in light of the title.

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  41. Yes, I like the lead in.

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  42. Love the hook. Yes

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  43. Just. I like the voice, but the following sentences would need to be good to keep me interested.

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  44. No. I'm a little curious about why the narrator thinks it has an upside, but I don't really like it starting with the question, and I can't imagine what the upside might be.

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  45. Yes, but barely. This sounds more like the opening of an Urban Fantasy than Literary Fiction. Also, I'm not sure Commercial Literary/Book Club is an actual genre. There's Commercial Fiction, Literary Fiction, and Upscale Fiction. It may benefit you to do a little more research on the specific categories to determine where your novel fits best. (sorry to go off topic)

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  46. OK, you've definitely got my attention. Definitely yes!

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  47. Ooohh, yes. Sounds deliciously dark and funny.

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  48. I think it's intriguing. I need to see more.

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  49. I have to say yes. The idea of human sacrifice makes me queasy, but I'm too curious - I have to read more.

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