Thursday, June 27, 2013

First Sentence #33

TITLE: PLAY FOR PANIC
GENRE: YA Magical Realism

Mom worries about my fingers.

43 comments:

  1. Yes. The first line coupled with the genre has my attention.

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  2. Yes... It didn't really hook me, hook me... I wanted more, but I did wonder about MC's fingers. I would give the second line a chance.

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  3. Yes, I wanted to know why mom worried about his/her fingers.

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  4. Yes. It's such an odd thing for a mother to worry about.

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  5. Maybe. I wasn't totally hooked, but I'd read the next couple of sentences to find out for sure.

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  6. No, only because I need more to figure out what is going on.

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  7. Yes, barely. It's not dynamite, but it's so odd that I feel like I need to read the next sentence, not necessarily the rest of the book.

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  8. Yes: I like its simplicity. Just enough to make me ask, especially with the genre, and rather creepy.

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  9. No, mainly because it just didn't give me enough to go on. Mom's worry about everything :)

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  10. Yes. I'd definitely read on, especially given the genre.

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  11. Yes. It's different. I'm intrigued.

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  12. Yes. Nice solid image to grab hold of. Raises all kinds of interesting questions.

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  13. Balanced on the fence. It is different and I'm a little curious but five words is not much to go on. With the genre I would read a bit more to get a good feel.

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  14. Yes. This is different. I'm curious as to why a mother would worry about this. I hope this isn't about to go on to some chatty character-to-reader telling, though.

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  15. No. I am curious why Mom worries about the MC's fingers, but not enough to read on. I think you need more info - although maybe you give more in the next sentence. I also feel that by saying "mom" instead of "my mom" it comes off sounding younger than YA. But maybe that's just me.

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  16. Yes. Worrying about fingers is certainly unusual.

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  17. Yes. I instantly want to know why the mom is worrying, and why she's worrying about the protagonist's fingers - of all things.

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  18. Yes. I want to know why Mom is worrying about the fingers!

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  19. Yes

    I wasn't super hooked, but my curiosity was piqued enough to keep going

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  20. Yes.

    I agree with some of the other comments; I wasn't blown away but it's enough to make me want to know more. What's disturbing about her fingers?

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  21. Yes.

    First line + genre just works.

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  22. Yes. I'm intrigued and want to read more.

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  23. YES! I'm intrigued. I want to know why mom is worrying about the fingers.

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  24. Yes. Anytime a sentence starts with Mom, I get a sense of imminent conflict. :-)

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  25. Yes. Love it. So many different second sentences are running through my mind. I want to read more.

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  26. Yes. Odd think for mom to be worried about. Makes me want to know why.

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  27. Yes. Strange opening.

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  28. No. As a mom, I'm just like, "What do moms not worry about?" Someone mentioned earlier that they get a good sense of story from the line + the title/genre, but for me, those things didn't help. I didn't know if "play" was play as in piano, or another instrument, or a sport, or something else entirely.

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  29. Yes. Because if there were a sentence immediately following this one, I would *have* to read it to figure out why.

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  30. Yes. This opening is odd enough to carry me to the next sentence.

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  31. Yes. It's just weird enough to make me wonder.

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  32. Yes. I love a short snappy start that contains some detail that intrigues me.

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  33. Yes
    I like it. I read on a bit more...

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  34. No. Sorry, I wanted this to work. I think the combination of present tense and the fact it was Mom worrying -- I couldn't tell if the narrator was bothered or not by this -- just didn't do it for me.

    I also think that anyone writing any fiction with any magical flavor and that involves magic fingers has the shadow of Roald Dahl hanging pretty heavily over them, although that may just be my age/background.

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  35. Yes--it almost doesn't work for me, but it does the job of making me want to read on. So, success!

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  36. Yes.
    Straightforward, clear, interestingly odd.

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  37. Yes, and now I wonder about the next line.

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  38. Yes. Absolutely, tell me more.

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  39. Yes. Absolutely, tell me more.

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  40. Yes. Immediately raised questions

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  41. Yes--but a weak yes. I want to know what the deal is with her fingers, but on the other hand, experience is telling me we're going to get a bunch of explanation next, which would turn me off.

    If she has some magic in those fingers, perhaps start with them doing something extraordinary.

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