Miss Snark's First Victim
No. Sorry, I really would suggest not starting your story with a conversation. We need some sort of introduction firs.t
No. Nothing interesting in that. (Also, I'll confess, after seeing the genre, my mind took that sentence somewhere I'm sure you didn't mean for it to go. Yes, I read too much m/m erotica, but still.)
No - If you're starting with dialogue, I'd try to start it with dialogue that gives a better sense of what's going on, or at least a sense of a character's personality.
No. Dialogue's a tough one to begin with; I'd need a little more back story before a line like this to get invested.
No. There's no reason for my to find this dialogue interesting yet. Maybe with more back story
I won't vote on this one since I'm biased. Having read the whole novel, I know it's good, but judging this one line by itself, it doesn't showcase your amazing voice.
No.I'm not a fan of opening with dialogue, but if you're going to do it, it needs to be a heck of a line. This doesn't tell us anything about anything.
No. This doesn't introduce conflict or tell us anything about the characters.
No. For me the first and last name being included made it feel a bit stilted.
No. Starting with dialogue is possible, if the line is intriguing. This line is referring to the mundane task of cleaning so the subject steals some of the opening's power.
No, I don't want to read about cleaning.
No. I'm not a big fan of opening with dialogue because we don't know who is talking.
No-because it's opening with dialog and I don't know who's talking yet.
No. I've read a lot of pros and cons about opening with dialogue. I'm on the fence, myself, but unless the dialogue is compelling I'd say open in the action instead of with a call to action.
No - it's generally a bad idea to start with dialogue and this is an example of why. I know nothing about Jacoby, Hollister, or what it is they're going to clean.
No, sorry but starting with a call to clean is not a book for me.
No. There's nothing yet intriguing, and three names in the first eight words is way too many for me.
No- doesn't promise anything
No.In this first sentence you’ve got characters. I’d like to see them introduced more slowly. Ready to clean sounds like chores or housework. These are two things I read to get away from!
No. Don't open with dialogue.
No. Nothing interesting about cleaning and no idea who either of the characters are or their relationship.
No - Cleaning is not that interesting, and there is nothing here that lends characterization.
No. Opening with dialogue is a tough sell. To be effective, it must do the same things as straight narrative. This line gives us no sense of where, when or who is in the story. It sounds like a normal mom. For instance, it might work better if it said something like, "Hey Jacoby, ready to clean the blood off the walls?". A little dramatic, but certainly more attention getting.Consider starting in a different place, or if this scene is necessary, start with something interesting about the characters.
No. I don't feel like reading about cleaning. But cleaning blood (like MargotG said) would be compelling.
No. I'm not interested in cleaning.
No. Cleaning doesn't pull me in.
No.I've spent two thirds of my life cleaning. I don't want to read about it. Surely these guys have something more interesting going on?
No. This sounds like something later down the page, but is not engaging as a first line.
No. My first thought is the next set of paragraph at all going to be about cleaning something. And that would be boring.
No. Two cutsey names in the first line kill it for me.