Wednesday, April 9, 2014

First Line Grabber #17

TITLE: Man Maid
GENRE: Contemporary Romance

Friday shouldn't start with a dead cat, that seemed more like a Monday sort of problem.

51 comments:

  1. YES! Because it's hilarious, pithy, and I can hear the voice already.

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  2. Yes! Great voice and a question that I want answered: What dead cat?

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  3. Yes. Love the voice and love how you opened things!

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  4. Yes! LOVE! This one made me laugh and that's always a bonus.

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  5. Yes. Definitely laughed and that's great to do on just the first line!

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  6. YES. Great voice, and lots of intrigue. I am a bit worried about the comma splice, but other than that, this is fantastic.

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  7. Yes! Hehehehe so funny and snarky. I like this MC already

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  8. Yes. This has a strong voice and an interesting tone. However, I will admit, being an animal lover, it was close.

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  9. Yes.

    Loved the humor and the voice. Though i do think it would work better as two sentences . . .

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  10. Yes, because it's original and made me laugh. And When I saw it was contemporary romance, I liked it even better. Voice and humour.

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  11. Yes - It sounds sad, and the voice is interesting, though I think you need an em dash rather than a comma after cat.

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  12. Yes-Great voice. I want to know what else is going to happen on Friday!

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  13. Forgot my comment, thought it was funny, caught my attention and totally agree with the MC's sentiment.

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  14. Yes
    -loving the voice here. I want to see where this is going.

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  15. Yes, love the voice. Funny. Although technically shouldn't that be two sentences or at least some other punctuation besides a comma? That tripped me up a bit, but not enough to not enjoy this.

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  16. Yes.
    But only just. I'm reluctant to start a story about a dead cat. But I do want to know why that wouldn't be a Friday problem. Seems like a black-cat, Friday-the-thirteenth problem.

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  17. Yes. You've piqued my curiosity enough to get me to read the next line, but it would need to maintain strong, clear voice to keep pulling me along.

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  18. Yes, I loved it. When I read the first part of the sentence I think the character is going to be concerned about the dead cat, but the second part of the sentence flips my expectation with the character concerned over the day of the week the cat died. This surprise makes me want to read on. Kudos.

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  19. YES. Great voice and I can tell this is going to be a fun read ;)

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  20. Yes. Humorous, full of personality, and I want to know what's up with this character.

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  21. Yes. It's funny. I believe the character has some sarcastic tendencies, and I'm looking forward to spending a few hundred pages with her. I assume she's a she, but I'll be happy if I'm surprised otherwise.

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  22. Yes, because of the first sentence. NO because it is two sentences and does not fit the criteria.

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  23. Yes, I love the humor.

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  24. Yes. But as others pointed out, his was cheating, grammatically it should be two sentences. But its awesome. I would've cheated on this one too!

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  25. Yes. First, it made me laugh. The voice here is very engaging.

    Second, I could totally relate to the Monday vs. Friday idea. By Friday, I just want to chill out, order a pizza and watch TV. I don't want to deal with a dead anything.

    I was also intrigued by the title, given the genre. This could prove interesting.

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  26. Yes.
    I really like the voice in this sample. I keep reading to hear more about her and her life.

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  27. Yes, already like the voice.

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  28. YES- Love it- lots of promise

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  29. Yes. Because of what everyone else has said. But there really should be a semicolon or em-dash instead of a comma.

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  30. Yes. The voice is spot-on. You need an em dash or break it into two sentences though for a greater impact.

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  31. Yes. Even with the grammatical mistake, I laughed.

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  32. Yes. The voice has me interested to read more.

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  33. Yes. Not my genre, but this line captured me. Great use of irony. In the protag's internal monologue, this promises a story about someone with wit and humor. Definitely engaging.

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  34. Yes. Great voice! And strangely true...

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  35. Yes! Good, funny voice. While a comma splice isn't always incorrect (according to Strunk and White) so many people think it is that you might consider changing it.

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  36. Yes! Hilarious. Very funny, droll. It's so ridiculous and heartless at the same time. More! I am still smiling :)

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  37. Yes. For all the reasons stated above. Voice and dry humor.

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  38. Yes - So funny! Would love to ride along with this voice to see the crazy journey.

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  39. Yes. It was the dead cat reference. I would have read more just because of that.

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  40. Yes. You made me chuckle. I'd keep reading.

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  41. Yes. This is very funny and the voice is effective -- but you definitely need to correct the punctuation! As others have said, the comma after 'cat' is incorrect since it needs to be either a dash or a semicolon.

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  42. Yes, I like the voice. (Though I think this is two sentences.)

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  43. don't hate meApril 10, 2014 at 6:44 PM

    Yes. I like the voice and I CAN SO RELATE!

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  44. No.

    Because to me, that's two sentences with the period taken out and replaced with a comma, and other people didn't get two sentences.

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  45. Yes. though the combination of 'cat' and 'Monday' makes me immediately think of Garfield...

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  46. Yes, though it reads like it should be two sentences.

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