Wednesday, April 9, 2014

First Line Grabber #22

TITLE: THE DAY I RULED THE WORLD
GENRE: MG Fantasy

Spying is rude, and I would never, never do it.

41 comments:

  1. YES. This is so adorable. And I love spying characters.

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  2. Yes. I like how you use the characters voice to imply what's going to happen next in a cute way.

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  3. Yes. Great voice. Love how the character says one thing but as the reader, I just know he or she is going to do the opposite.

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  4. Yes. This one line has so much intrigue and sets us up for so much to come.

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  5. Yes. I want to know why this character thinks this and why they have to tell us they wouldn't spy. Are they being asked to spy? I want to read on.

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  6. No. But only because I think the sentence isn't powerful as worded. The idea is awesome. But being told what the MC won't do isn't that exciting. I know it should hint that he will, obviously, but it doesn't do that adequately.

    (Now if the plot would allow for it, "Spying is rude, and I would never, never do it [again]." would ROCK.)

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  7. No. I like the idea, but the sentence needs a little twist to turn it into something more interesting. I liked the tone of it, the voice is interesting, but I want more of a sense that the narrator is going to break that rule.

    As it reads now, it feels like we're going to get a lecture on why spying is bad.

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  8. No. But this is REALLY close for me, for the same reason Leah Petersen mentioned.

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  9. Yes. That as a first statement shows us that the narrator will break a personal rule, and characters acting contrary to their moral code makes for interesting books.

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  10. Yes, but hesitantly. This has the potential to lead somewhere interesting, but could also be the start of someone being preachy.

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  11. Yes. This has a perfect MG voice to me, and implies conflict in the near future.

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  12. Yes.

    Love this. Love the voice, love the choice of "never, never" as opposed to "ever". Love the immediate unreliable narrator. To me it's clear that it's set up to be a rule break. Great job.

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  13. No, but really close. I like spy characters. I liked the idea. It just didn't seem like a punchy enough opener for same reasons as Leah.

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  14. Yes. Needs some tweaking, but the idea is just so cute!

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  15. No - The character seems snobish. Unless the next sentence is something like, "Except this one time..." then it's probably not a character I'm going to enjoy.

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  16. Yes, because I don't believe her.

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  17. Yes-Great voice and I can see the humor coming.

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  18. Yes, I really like the voice and I'm willing to read on and see if she's about to start spying.

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  19. Yes
    -but just barely. And only becuase I'm assuming that he plans to break this rule immediately.

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  20. Yes.
    Made me laugh! The statement of opinion gives it voice, and I expect very quickly for the character to be caught in an awkward position.

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  21. Yes, but only just. I'd read the next line, but it would need a lot more content for me to keep going after that.

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  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Yes. Because never say never, right?

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  24. Yes. It's about the protagonist and it's an interesting characteristic. The fact that it might be facetious also makes it strong.

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  25. Yes. Because it feels like the next sentence is going to start with a "But..." and lead right into some action.

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  26. Yes.

    I like the voice and the introduction to the character.

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  27. No- it needs a twist to really catch me- well almost never.

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  28. Yes, I am intrigued to mer this character with "attitude."

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  29. No. I agree that it needs more. Just adding the word "again" as one commenter noted, would make it more interesting.

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  30. Yes. Great set up and voice.

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  31. Yes - I like the implied irony. I would hope what follows explains more though.

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  32. Yes. I think this person's lying. I want to know if she/he is.

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  33. Yes. There's a great tongue-in-cheek quality to it. I can see the MC saying this to someone and praying the other person won't catch the lie.

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  34. don't hate meApril 10, 2014 at 6:31 PM

    Yes. Because I know Miss or Mr Prissy is gonna spy!

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  35. Yes. Because I'm guessing the next line is going to be 'Except when...' :)

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  36. Yes.

    The voice immediately strikes me as middle grade, and I just know this kid certainly is going to spy and probably get in a bunch of trouble by doing so.

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  37. No. I'd be a heck of a lot more interested in a character who thinks spying is fun/dangerous/etc. Feels like the set-up of a prim & proper passive character.

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  38. Yes - Great voice and I think this character is protesting just a little too much.

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  39. No. Same reasons Leah gives. Also, sets up the character to be hypocritical in an unappealing way. You could recover from this one, but you'd have to work pretty hard.

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  40. No. You know the kid is going to spy and have no idea what it would be about.

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