Tuesday, April 15, 2014

First Line Grabber Round 2 #3

TITLE: The Swinging Tree
GENRE: Speculative Fiction

In the shadow of a crumbling, crooked building sits the Swinging Tree. You might think from its name that children play among its old branches, but children dare not walk in its shadow, or frolic under its furled boughs. No one in the district remembers who planted it, or how it grew in such a small pilfer of dirt, but grow it did; the tree’s branches reached up toward the sky, wheezing for light.

7 comments:

  1. Yes! Gorgeous prose. I'd want to get to a character fairly quickly from here, but the loveliness of the writing would definitely keep me reading.

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  2. This just shows how subjective literary taste is. I'm overwhelmed by all the fancy description. Phrases like "children dare not walk in its shadow, or frolic under its boughs" put me off. Also, I don't think "pilfer" works as a noun, and doesn't wheezing imply a desire for air rather than light?

    Sorry, that seems really harsh. Like I said, personal taste.

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  3. don't hate meApril 15, 2014 at 1:01 PM

    I like it. It has me hoping for an epic story. Pilfer and wheezing sound wrong to me too.

    The tree sounds ominous so why would it be wheezing?

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  4. "...frolic under its furled boughs" was a little too flowery for me. I agree--pilfer doesn't work, and wheezing implies difficulty breathing. I'm intrigued by the presence and history of the Swinging Tree, though.

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  5. I like this. It has just the right amount of oddness, and creepiness to keep me reading. My only problem was 'wheezing for light'. Not sure what that means, but I'd read more to find out.

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  6. I enjoyed this. Although I'd break the last sentence into two and drop the semi-colon personally. Other than that I'd definitely read more.

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  7. I have the oddest sense of deja vu reading this excerpt.

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