THE GENTLEMAN OF CHAOS
As a boy, Edmund Morcant fell into the pit at the center of the world and vanished for thirty years. No one noticed.
Now he's returned to Blencock, the Gray City of Steam, alive and rich, accompanied by two mystic bodyguards, and with unwholesome plans for his birthplace. Although he claims he wishes to restore the dilapidated city, the sudden spike in crime raises suspicions and unease.
Morcant isn't the only new arrival in Blencock. A mysterious criminal mastermind known as the Gentleman has staked out the city for his own and has started a turf war with the oldest demon in the city--the Minister. Both have the same ambition: to detach Blencock from the world, and reality, and use the city as the new capital in Hell.
Morcant has connections with both the Gentleman and the Minister, and his aid may tip the balance between the two and give one victory. Or he could singlehandedly destroy the city, an outcome he favors more and more.
The first lines here are enough that I'd grab the book and not even bother reading the rest of the blurb."No one noticed" is great!
ReplyDeleteCut the "with" in front of unwholesome and keep it short! Cut the last sentence of the second paragraph and the last sentence of the third paragraph and you could really lose the entire last paragraph without hurting your buying chances. It's a blurb, not a synopsis, I don't want you to tell me the ending, just give me the kicker from the first 30 pages...
Uh... is this an anti-hero story? If so, cool! If not, I'm more confused than I already am. It's still interesting, though. And I'm sort of hooked. Whichever way it ends, Blencock is obviously toast. A story made up solely of bad guys. Great concept. Very unique.
ReplyDeleteI'd grab a starbucks and plunk my butt in a chair to read this right in the store!
ReplyDeleteYep, hooked. "No one noticed." That did it for me right there. Without a doubt.
ReplyDeleteAnd using the city as the new capital in Hell? That's an awfully intriguing storyline.
You hooked me on this one, Merc!
I loved the first paragraph. After that, I got lost. I couldn't identify with the location or the people, and was confused as to who the protagonist was. Is this a similar flavor to Artemis Fowl? Or the movie Sin City? I like the idea of everyone having flaws, but I really want to know who I'm going to be rooting for. :)
ReplyDeleteHehehe, I see I have a problem with confusing people. Actually, it's my master plan to take over the world! bwhahahaha! ... or not. ;)
ReplyDeleteYes, it's all anti-heroes. A steampunk setting... and things go BOOM. %-)
Thanks, everyone! :D You guys are great with specific feedback; I really appreciate it!
~Merc
The first paragraph is brilliant. Don't change that. But I'm afraid the rest didn't grab me. It may have been that stories about demons don't really interest me though, to be honest.
ReplyDeleteOooh, this is good. The first para is precious, as mentioned by others.
ReplyDeleteBut, um, err.. whose the good guy? Oh wait, it's Merc's character. But seriously... whose the good guy? If it's Morcant, which it seems, I need something to identify with. I don't want to read about some jerk I hate, unless I secretly identify with his angst and struggles.
Does he still have the cloud of obscurity or unimportance around him, despite the ironic power to destroy them all? Give me a morsel!
Or, at the very least, give me ninjas.
I think the Gentleman and Minister could be left out of the blurb and just mentioned as "a criminal mastermind and the city's oldest demon. Morcan't has connections to both, which could tip..." etc.
This would give your blurb more focus and less fodder to introduce.
There will be kung fu, even if I can't fit ninjas in. B-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate! :) Completely understand your preference (okay, in a philosophical way ;)) and that's fine. Glad the first para worked for you!
Wulf--oooh, you have moments of brilliance (more often than you think %-)) and this is one of them. Hahaha, seriously, I love the idea of removing the titles and focusing on Morcant to tighten it and keep it centered on him.
Thanks so much!
~Merc
I think this flows well and has the makings of an excellent story. I would definitely read more.
ReplyDelete